First dates are exciting…but they can also be pretty nerve-wracking when you start to think about all the decisions you have to make with someone you probably just met. Should you hug when you greet them? What should you talk about? What should you wear? The list is endless!
But there is another question that may come up if the date goes really well—should you kiss on the first date? Is kissing on the first date normal? Will they think you’re promiscuous if you do? Will they think you’re weird if you don’t?
Ahh! So many questions. Well, no fear, friend. Today, we’re going to get to the bottom of whether or not you should kiss on the first date and what your decision will mean.
An Important Disclaimer
There is one thing we need to point out before we go any further, and this is non-negotiable.
You never have to do literally anything that you don’t want to on a date.
No matter what anyone says (or even what we say), you are never obligated to do anything. If anyone ever tries to tell you anything differently, know confidently that they are wrong (and you can send them our way).
How to Know If You Should Kiss on the First Date
Alright, not that we have gotten that disclaimer out of the way, let’s talk about the big question at hand—should you be kissing on the first date?
The reality is that there is no correct answer that’s right for everyone here, but there is going to be an answer that’s right for you. To get to that answer, here are the things that you should ask yourself and consider.
Are You Comfortable with Kissing on the First Date?
The very first question you have to ask is whether or not you’re okay with kissing on the first date. If you are only here because you’re feeling societal or individual pressure to kiss on the first date, then the answer is easy—don’t do it. If you’re open to the idea or it doesn’t bother you at all, then continue on to the next considerations to find your answer.
Consider the Message Kissing on the First Date Sends
Probably the most important consideration to look at is the message that kissing your date is going to send. And this message is not just about what it means for you, but what it means for your date as well.
Here are some things that kissing on the first date might say:
- You like them. – This might seem like something silly to point out, but it’s important. If you kiss someone on the first date, they’re going to think that you like them. We point this out because some people might kiss just because they’re looking for something fun or they’re bored. But be aware that it’s going to have an effect on the other person’s emotions and might send mixed signals.
- It may signal that you’re promiscuous. – While kissing may be something innocent to you, it may be viewed differently by the person you kiss and anyone they tell about the kiss. It could lead them to believe that you’re open to more physical intimacy (whether that’s true or not). Also, if you’re kissing multiple people on multiple dates, you have to be concerned that it may portray you in a less than flattering light.
- You want to see them again. – Most people are probably pretty safe assuming that if you kiss them that you want to see them again for a second date. If this is the case, no worries. If it’s not, though, it’s not really fair to send these mixed signals.
None of these signals are independently wrong to send to another person. In fact, they may be the exact signals you’re trying to send! The point we’re trying to make here is awareness. Be aware of the signals you may be sending, and make sure they line up with the message you’re trying to convey.
There Are Multiple Types of Kisses
Another important caveat to look at is that the term kissing can mean a lot of things. It can mean a peck on the cheek, a peck on the lips, some tongue action, or even something a little more intimate. Again, while none of these are necessarily wrong, here’s the general rule. The more intimate the kiss, the stronger the message that it’s going to send.
If you peck them on the cheek, that sends a mild message that you’re interested. If you start playing tonsil hockey, it’s going to send the message that you’re crazy into them or possibly looking for more.
Again, the bottom line is to make sure the message you’re actually sending is in line with the message that you’re trying to send.
Our Answer to First Date Kissing
While the ultimate decision is up to you, here’s what we think. No matter how much you like the person, we think that it’s probably a good idea to pass on a first date kiss. Yes, that may make us sound prudish, but here’s the advantages of doing so.
- It removes the pressure. - If you already know that you’re not going to kiss on the first date, that’s one less thing that you have to worry about.
- It doesn’t send any incorrect messages. – Whether you have an amazing date or not, passing on a first kiss doesn’t send a good or a bad message. It allows you to go home after the date and evaluate how things went.
- It won’t (and shouldn’t) make them like you less. – If a person you go on a date with likes you less because you won’t kiss them, that is not someone you want to be dating. Someone who cares about you isn’t going to want to push you to do things that you’re not ready for yet. It can also help you to sniff out someone who doesn’t have the right intentions for what you’re looking for.
- It doesn’t make you a prude. – Again, anyone who says something like this is worthless in our eyes. But to answer the question, not kissing on the first date doesn’t make you a prude. It’s you being a strong man or woman who has made a choice to focus more on getting to know your date than physical intimacy right off the bat. You can have amazing physical chemistry with someone who is terrible for you. And if you spend your first date getting intimate, it makes it harder to realize who is or is not right for you.
What If They Try to Kiss You
If you agree with our solution, you may run into a situation where someone else tries to kiss you. When this happens, here’s a super easy way to deal with it that doesn’t come across as weird. First, don’t kiss them. Stick to your plan. Second, just tell them that you’re having an amazing time but you have a personal rule that you never kiss on the first date.
This sends the message that you’re into them and that you’re more concerned about getting to know them. By saying that it’s a rule you always stick to, it removes any of concerns from their side that it’s something they did wrong or that you’re not into them.
The Bottom Line
Here’s the major takeaways. If you want to kiss on the first date, go for it. If you don’t want to kiss on the first date, you don’t have to and should never feel pressured to.
For us, we think the best move is not to kiss on the first date. It removes a lot of pressure, helps you to focus more on getting to know the person, and avoids sending any incorrect messages. And if you choose to do that and someone frowns upon it, that’s their problem and they can kick rocks. You are the one in charge of your body and your decisions. Just because you choose to save physical intimacy until later doesn’t make you a prude, it makes you more intriguing and more desirable.