Online Dating Guys to Avoid

The world of online dating is an uncertain one with a lot of great men and also a lot of online dating guys you’re going to want to avoid like the plague. But how do you know which guys are the winners and which are the losers that are going to be nothing but heartache and a waste of time?

Well, the best way to get there is to start by understanding which types of online dating guys you should be avoiding. Knowing what’s out there, how to spot it, and the rare instances where it might be okay can really set you up for success.

Throughout this article, we’re going to look at several types of guys you’ll see in online dating that you shouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole

man smoking a cigar

1. The Ego Maniac – “I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread.”

This first online dating guy to avoid is unfortunately far too popular. Either he genuinely has a massive go and thinks he is the greatest person on Earth, or he’s been convinced that being an ego maniac is the way to attract women. Either way, it’s terrible, and not the kind of guy you want anything to do with. Guys like this will never make you a priority because their number one priority is always going to be themselves.

Potential Indicators to Look For

  • Their pictures all scream “Look at me!”
  • They love to brag about themselves.
  • They refer to themselves in the third person (Example: “Yeah, Mark is the man in the gym.”

The Saving Grace

The one possibility here is that some guys just don’t know how to attract women the right way. Maybe they got bad advice from a friend or maybe no one ever taught them how to attract a women? If this is the case, the ego act will probably drop as soon as they have your interest. Again, be careful giving an actual ego maniac a free pass unless this is actually the case.

2. The Pervert – “That’s what she said.”

We love The Office as much as the next person, and we think that PG-13 jokes are okay every now and then. However, if every conversation turns sexual, that’s probably a problem and a big red flag. If you find an online dating guy that fits into this category, run for the hills unless that’s your cup of tea.

Potential Indicators to Look For

  • They find a way to make most conversations about sex.
  • They have sexual jokes in their profile.
  • They bring up sexual topics extremely early in the conversation.
  • They struggle to take a hint if you don’t react positively to the first comment/joke.

3. The Workaholic – “I can probably pencil you in for six weeks from now.”

Online dating guys who are successful are great, right? Yes, and no. If the success comes at the cost of any time for you, that’s a problem. Be on the lookout for online dating guys who just don’t have the time to date. And honestly, this doesn’t make them a terrible guy or anything like that. But do you really want to be with someone who you have to fight for their time?

Potential Indicators to Look For

  • They’ll usually mention their long days.
  • They tend to be working on the weekends as well.
  • Most of their conversation is centered around their work.
  • It seems as though their identity is grounded in their work.

The Saving Grace

We all have busy seasons in our lives. And for a lot of industries, there are busy seasons where work piles up no matter what. For example, an accountant in April or a car salesman at the end of the month. If the person communicates to you that they’re in a busy season that’s going to be temporary, that’s awesome! We wouldn’t add them to our list of online dating guys to avoid unless it turns out not to be temporary.

4. The Flake – “Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to get back to you yet.”

Time is one of the finite assets we get on this Earth. And anyone who disrespects your time shouldn’t have a place in your life. One of the biggest time wasters in the world of online dating are guys who are flaky. We’re talking about guys that are bad about calling you back, cancel on dates, and are just plain unreliable.

If you find out you’re talking with a flaky guy, run for the hills. You deserve better.

Potential Indicators to Look For

  • They take forever to get back to you. (This is more okay early on when you’re chatting, especially if they share that they’re busy).
  • They don’t follow through with what they tell you they say they’re going to do.
  • They’re always cancelling dates.
  • They don’t have a good grasp of their schedule when you’re planning dates.

The Saving Grace

Things happen in life. Unexpected occurrences can interrupt plans and make someone who isn’t flaky temporarily seem like they are. When that happens, it’s totally okay and not the signs of a guy you should avoid. However, the operative word here is temporarily. If the issues continue to happen on multiple occasions and there is always an excuse, that’s a red flag that should have you moving on to someone else.

5. The Player – “What was your name again?”

Whether you agree with this statement or not, it’s the truth—it’s okay to date more than one person when you’re online dating. Now before some of you grab your pitchforks and start throwing rocks, let us explain. We are ONLY referring to the early stages of dating where there have been no conversations about exclusivity. Believe it or not, it’s healthy to go on dates with different people to help determine what you like.

However, there are limits here. If a guy is going out with tons of different women and can’t keep their names straight, that’s a problem. If a guy is going out with multiple women and has no plans to stop when he finds a girl he really likes, that’s a problem. If it feels like you’re in the black book of a player, move along and avoid this guy.

Potential Indicators to Look For

  • They get you confused with other women.
  • They have a lot of other women in their pictures.
  • They don’t show any intentions of looking for a committed relationship.

The Saving Grace

If it’s early in the relationship and you haven’t had a conversation about exclusivity, then you don’t really have any rights to keep them from seeing other people. If you’d like for things to be exclusive, you’ll need to have that conversation. This is why it’s so important to be upfront about what you’re looking for early on.

6. The Liar – “Oh, that’s not what I meant to say.”

One of the most important online dating guys to avoid is a liar. In our book, there are zero lies that are acceptable, and this includes white lies. Generally, early on in a dating relationship it’s harder to spot lies because there aren’t a lot of bigger things that would warrant a lie. However, there are guys that come out of the gate firing with lies.

When you catch a guy lying (even a small lie), that should be the biggest red flag. If they’re willing to lie about something small (or big) this early in the relationship, they’re going to continue to do it.

Potential Indicators to Look For

  • Their stories are inconsistent.
  • Their online dating profile seems too good to be true.
  • They always have the right answer for everything.

The Saving Grace

There are no instances in our book where lying is okay.

7. The Drunk – “Heyye babyyy.waNna cOmE over?”

There’s nothing wrong with letting loose every now and then and having a few drinks. However, when someone is getting sloppy drunk or drinking a lot on a regular basis, it might not be something you’re interested in. If it is, more power to you. However, if you’re looking for a quality and lasting relationship, you probably aren’t going to have a lot of luck with someone who is always drunk.

Potential Indicators to Look For

  • They’re drinking in all of their pictures.
  • They send you incoherent messages late at night.
  • They talk about drinking a lot.

The Saving Grace

Just because someone has a lot of pictures of them drinking doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a drunk. Sometimes men are terrible about taking pictures of themselves and the only time it happens is when other people take pictures when they’re out. Additionally, it’s hard to tell how many drinks someone is having just by looking at a picture. Also, some people have a tendency to drink more than usual on a first date because of their nerves. We’re not saying that’s healthy or a good idea, but it certainly happens. 

Matt Seymour

Written By: Matthew J. Seymour, MSF

Matthew J. Seymour is a dating industry expert with over a decade of experience coaching singles, reviewing dating apps, and analyzing trends within the industry. Matt is a published author with his most recent work “Get More Dates: How to Master Online Dating Apps” that hit shelves in 2023. With a Masters of Science in Finance (MSF) degree from the University of Florida and extensive knowledge of the innerworkings of the online dating industry, Matt frequently serves in an advisory role to some of the largest dating apps on the market. In Matt’s current role with Healthy Framework, he leads the interview team that regularly interviews key dating industry leaders, and leverages his financial knowledge and dating app experience to review and share what singles need to know to get the most out of dating online.

Detective Nicholas Nalder

Reviewed By: Detective Nicholas Nalder

Detective Lieutenant Nicholas Nalder is an investigations lieutenant with the Salt Lake County District Attorney’s Office. Det. Nalder has over a decade of experience with law enforcement with specialized experience working with internet safety, online investigations, and digital forensics. When it comes to online dating, it’s imperative that users know which dating apps are the safest and how to keep themselves safe online. Det. Nadler works with the Healthy Framework editorial team to help make this a reality by reviewing the safety of dating app recommendations, as well as any article dealing with how to keep yourself safe. Det. Nadler has a Bachelors in Criminal Justice Administration, Information Technology, and Cyber Security, an Associates Degree in Criminal Justice, and a Certified Ethical Hacker (CHE) distinction from Columbia Southern University.