So you’ve done the feels-like-impossible and found someone you click with while online dating: she’s smart, beautiful, and has a great sense of humor…and she likes you, too.
At least, you’re pretty sure she does. But you go online, and there it is: her dating profile is still live. You may wonder if you’ve been imagining things. It seems to be going so well. So why is she still dating online?
There are actually plenty of reasons she could still keep her dating profile active, and very few of them have anything to do with you personally. Still, it’s natural to wonder how she feels about you. You know you should just relax and enjoy the experience, but it’s hard when you’re second-guessing how things might be going. Keep calm. Here are some possibilities for why she might still be online.
If you haven’t talked about dating exclusively, then neither of you should assume you’re dating exclusively. This is a totally normal, healthy way to approach dating and relationships. She may be totally head over heels for you, but she’s doing things right by not getting too serious too quickly.
Committing too soon could mean one or both of you has dived into a relationship where you soon discover there’s a dealbreaker you didn’t know about before. It’s best to figure those things out before either of you gets in too deep.
If you’ve been dating for a while — say three months or more — and you want to get more serious, say so. You run the risk of her moving on if she’s not ready to commit, but if you’re not on the same page it’s for the best. It’s better to find out early.
But if you’re just starting to see each other, don’t sweat it if she’s still keeping her options open. One of you will have to make a decision to bring it up eventually, but take her cue and play it cool, at least for a little while. There’s no harm in taking it slow, but there is definite and often irreversible harm that can happen if you move too fast.
If the girl you’re into has a tight group of friends, they probably check out the people their friends are dating. Facebook stalking aside, it’s more common than you think for people to keep online dating profiles just to do some investigating for friends.
Sound weird? Maybe, but online snooping is common — almost normal — these days. And multiple profiles allows for multiple peeks at your profile. After all, a couple of strangers looking at your profile a couple of times each is far less weird than one person (the woman you’re into) visiting your profile over and over again.
While it may seem strange, for some people having their friends check out their suitors is a necessary step, even before they meet someone in person. It’s far, far more common for people to just screenshot and throw the photos into a group thread, but different people have their own methods.
She’s forgotten to take her profile down
This is more common than you think. If she’s kept her profile live in the early days but slowly starts checking it less, it may mean she’s getting more serious about you. And if she’s not checking into her dating app, she may even forget that she’s got a profile at all.
Or maybe she’s well aware she’s got a profile, but remembering or resetting the password just isn’t high on her list of priorities. If she’s a busy person, she may be moving from task to task and something like deleting a profile and the profile may get lost in the shuffle.
For all of the positives they provide, dating apps can make you jump through hoops to completely delete your profile, and she just may not have the time to sit down and dig through multiple menus, wait for an email or verification code, and completely close her account. It’s a chore she just may not be that excited about getting around to.
She’s not as interested as you’d hope
This is the worst case scenario, and probably the one you’re most worried about. It is a possibility, but it’s not quite as bad as you think. It’s very possible she’s on the fence about whether or not she wants to keep seeing you.
While she may not know how to tell you and she’s hoping you’ll take the hint and bow out on your own, it’s more likely she’s keeping things casual with you and keeping her profile in case things don’t work out. It’s disappointing, but it’s better to know early than to invest yourself in a relationship that’s not likely to last.
It’s up to you whether you want to ask her or whether to preemptively end things. Forcing the issue is likely to make her double down on one side of the fence or the other, but the result may not be what you’d hope. If you’re concerned she’s not interested, whether or not you ask about it, you may want to consider trying another dating site so you don’t see her profile pop up.
The good news is that there are plenty of sites to choose from, and you may even benefit from a fresh dating perspective. Explore some other dating sites or dating apps, and you may find that they suit you better anyway.
She’s also likely to wonder why you’re so interested in what she does online, and it’s a valid point. If you know she’s still got an online dating profile, that means you’ve got one, too. It’s putting you in a situation where you’re in a glass house throwing stones.
Whatever the reason, she’s still got a profile and that bothers you, but the best thing you can do is hold yourself to the same standard you expect from others. You’ll both be happiest that way.