Texting a girl for the first time can be…scary…exciting…confusing…literally, all of the above at the same time. If you say the right thing, it could be the start of an incredibly fruitful relationship. Say the wrong thing? It feels like you could miss out on a great opportunity to connect with someone special.
While all of this is true, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It does not have to be that hard. In fact, texting a girl for the first time is pretty easy and straightforward, as long as you know what to say.
So…what are you supposed to say? Today, we’ll show you exactly what to say. We’ll also look at when you should change your message based on different situations. And lastly, we’ll look at a few common mistakes that you’re going to want to make sure to avoid.
Is she expecting your text?
The first and most important question you need to answer is whether or not she’s expecting your text. Did you tell her that you’d send her a text later? Did she give you her phone number? If either of those are true, then she is expecting your text.
If you got her phone number from someone else (and she didn’t ask them to give it to you), through a random directory, or by playing internet sleuth—she is not expecting your text. If this is the case, we’d probably suggest not sending her a text because the chances that you come across as creepy or a stalker are far too high. If you do want to “cold contact” her, you’re better off doing it through social media. This will feel way less invasive and it will let her easily click on your profile to see who you are.
If she is expecting your text, great! Head to the next step.
Introduce yourself if you’ve never texted her before
The worst thing that can happen when texting a girl for the first time is that she doesn’t know who you are or thinks you’re someone else. The best way to avoid this is to introduce yourself and add as much context as necessary.
Hey! Its (your name) from (where you know them from).
It’s that easy. For example, if your name is Michael and you are in the same science class, you’d say…
“Hey! It’s Michael from science class.”
Or, if you met her at the mall earlier today, you might say…
“Hey! It’s Michael. We met in the food court at the mall today.”
Here are a few additional tips to remember here:
- If there is more than one person with the same name, give more context. For example, if there are two Michaels in your science class, you might need to say, “Hey It’s Michael from science class (the one that sits right behind you).”
- If it’s someone random you just met, always opt for more context. Additionally, if you only spent a few minutes talking to them, opt for more context.
- Don’t give way too much context when it’s not needed, though. Doing this might make it seem like you don’t think you’re a memorable person. Have some confidence that they’ll remember you. And if for some reason they don’t, we’ll show you later in this article how to respond.
- Don’t say anything bad about yourself as context. For example, if you’ve got a little extra weight, don’t say, “Hey! It’s Michael. We met in the food court at the mall today. I was the overweight guy.”
After the intro, get to the purpose of your text
In the same message, you’ll want to get to the reason that you’re reaching out. And, here’s the big key, you’ll want to do it in the form of a question. Why? Because it’s easier to respond to. It warrants a response. It prevents you from wondering if you need to send a second message or not.
Let’s look at this deeper.
What are some of the reasons you might be reaching out? Maybe you want to ask them out on a date? Maybe you want to start a conversation and get to know them better? For the sake of this discussion, we’re going to assume that both are true—that you want to start a conversation with them and ultimately ask them out on a date.
Pro tip: Even if all you want is to ask them out on a date, at least have a little back and forth conversation first.
So, what might this message look like. Well, first, let’s grab one of our intros from the previous section:
“Hey! It’s Michael. We met in the food court at the mall today.”
And now, we’re going to ask her a question that relates to something we talked about. For example, let’s say she said she was at the mall shopping for new shoes. We might say…
“Hey! It’s Michael. We met in the food court at the mall today. How did your quest for shoes end up?”
Or maybe she said she was heading to get lunch at McDonalds.
“Hey! It’s Michael. We met in the food court at the mall today. How was McDonalds?”
It honestly doesn’t need to be overcomplicated.
But, what happens if you didn’t really talk about much or anything interesting? What if you met her and she gave you her number and asked you to text her later, but didn’t give you something to ask about?
Well, there are some generic things you can use to fill in.
The easiest is what we call the ‘I didn’t get a chance to ask you’ method. All you do is say your intro and then start a sentence with ‘I didn’t get a chance to ask you’ and then ask about something.
For example…
“Hey! It’s Michael. We met in the food court at the mall today. I didn’t get a chance to ask you, I saw you were wearing a Pokémon shirt. Are you a big Pokémon fan?”
Or, even more generic…
“Hey! It’s Michael. We met in the food court at the mall today. I didn’t get a chance to ask you, are you from here or just visiting on vacation?
Don’t overcomplicate it
I know we’ve said this several times already, but it’s really that simple. There is absolutely no need to overcomplicate texting a girl for the first time. Introduce yourself, give as much context as needed, and ask a question that starts a conversation.
What to do if they don’t remember you
Sometimes, people we think are going to remember us don’t. Does this mean they’re not interested in you? Not necessarily. It could happen because you didn’t give enough context or simply because they had a lot going on that day and ran into a lot of people. Also, if you met them at a bar and alcohol was involved, there’s a chance they might not remember a lot about the evening.
Are these reasons not to send a text message to a girl? Absolutely not! Just be aware that there is a real chance they might not remember you, but that it more than likely has nothing to do with you or anything you did.
So, what do we do if this happens?
First, play it cool. If they are blunt and write back saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t remember who you are,” then you have two options. One, you can send a message back giving more context. We’d recommend doing it in a confident way that doesn’t make them feel bad about. You could say something like, “Aww shucks, I’m actually pretty awesome (at least my mom says so). There were a lot of people there, though, so I get it. I was the one in the red hat and we talked about how much we love Justin Timberlake. Ring a bell?”
Or, you could send a message and also send a quick selfie of yourself. Something like, “Here’s a picture of me sad you didn’t remember us meeting haha” and then include a picture of you making a funny sad/pouty face. Just make sure that the picture you send is a real selfie that you just took. If you send an actual picture of you from some other time, it’s just kind of weird.
If they still don’t remember you after that and don’t seem like they want to carry on a conversation, just chalk it up as a good try and move on to meeting someone else.
Common mistakes to avoid
While it really is that easy to text a girl for the first time, there are some pretty big pitfalls you’ll want to avoid. If you happen to make one of these mistakes, it could end your chances of something special. Here are the most common things to look out for.
- Watch what time you send your message. – If you send your first text at 2am, she’s probably going to think you’re a party animal. Be wary of what the message your text message sends. The best time is probably an early afternoon message.
- Don’t wait too long. – There are a lot of silly rules out there about waiting three days to text someone back or something like that. Ignore those. The longer you wait to text someone back (especially someone you only briefly met), the more likely that they are not going to remember you. On that same note, you don’t want to text them too fast to where it seems odd. The best advice is text them the next day after you meet. Or, if you want to text them the same day, tell them in person that you’ll send them a message later today (and then follow through on that)!
- Remember that text messages don’t come with tone. – When you say things in person, they get to hear your tone and see your body language. When you say things over the phone, you lose that body language. And when you say things over text, you lose everything except the words on the screen. What this means is that jokes might not come across correctly, sarcasm will fall flat, and they will interpret your words in the way their brain chooses too. So, the takeaway? Don’t take “big chances” with jokes or sarcasm. The risk vs reward is just not there over text.
- If she doesn’t respond to your first message, let it go. – There are times when following up or being persistent are good. This is not one of them. If she doesn’t respond to your first message (that follows the format we laid out), then take that as a sign that she is no longer interested in a conversation. The chances are high it has nothing to do with you and everything with what’s going on in her life, so don’t let it get you down.