One of the best ways to find new singles to go out with is by utilizing the help of your closest friends. Not only do they know you best, but if they’re a good friend, they most likely want to see you happy. But, you need to be careful when using this method because there are certainly a lot of ways to go about it wrong. If you don’t ask your friends to help set you up on a date the right way, you risk getting no help and potentially damaging your friendships.
But, never fear! In this article, we’re going to go over the things you need to know when asking your friends to help set you up on a date.
Be Open About What You Are Looking For
Your friends can’t help you find love if they don’t know that you’re looking or that you’re open to accepting their help. A lot of people out there are private about their love life, so your friends might assume you fall into that category and don’t want to overstep their boundaries. This is obviously not great for you if you’re looking for their help.
You need to tell your friends that you are looking to get out there and date more. But, you also need to let them know that you’d be interested in their help if they happen to know anybody. Here’s an example of what you could say.
“So, I think I’m ready to get out there and start dating some more. Do you happen to know anyone you think might be a good match for me?”
Wait for an answer and if they say yes, awesome! If they say no, you can say this.
“No worries. Would you mind keeping an eye out and let me know if you happen to run into anyone you think I might like.”
It’s really that simple. Tell them that you’re looking to date more or that you’ve been struggling to find quality people to date. Then, see if they know anyone right away that might be a good fit. You might be surprised how many of your friends are waiting to explode with a suggestion that they’ve been holding onto for weeks or months.
If they ask you what you’re looking for in particular, make sure that you have a concise answer prepared. If they don’t ask, don’t go ahead and volunteer it. You don’t want to start the process off by being annoying and giving them more information than they want to hear. Some friends will ask, and some will just tell you they will keep an eye out. If they don’t ask and you start giving them a full checklist of what you’re looking for in a date, you’re going to come across as pushy, and that’s not going to do much to make them want to help you.
Don’t Be Embarrassed
If you’re hesitant to ask your friends to help set you up on a date because you’re embarrassed, don’t be! Literally, everyone knows how hard dating is these days. Just because you haven’t found that special someone yet does not mean there is anything wrong with you. You may have been focusing on other things or you just might not have found exactly what you’re looking for.
Whatever the reason may be, there is zero reason to be ashamed or embarrassed about asking your friends for help. Sure, they may give you a hard time or a ribbing for fun, but they’re still going to help you. And, it’s all going to be in good fun. Your friends are your greatest wingmen and wingwomen; take advantage of that.
Don’t Be Obnoxious or Pushy About It
If there is a number one rule that you have to follow when asking your friends to help set you up on a date, it is this. Do not be pushy. Do not bother them constantly. All this is going to accomplish is making your friends annoyed with you and less likely to want to go out of their way to help you.
You have to remember this. When you ask your friends to help set you up with people they know, they are doing you a favor. They do not work for you. They are not obligated to help you. They owe you nothing. But, if they decide that they are willing to help you find love and get more dates, then you need to be nothing but grateful.
This also means that if they don’t want to help you or say they are going to and then do nothing, you cannot get mad at them. If you are not cool with this and completely okay with this, then you should not look into getting your friends to help set you up on dates. When you pay an online dating site or a matchmaker, you can expect results, but when you ask your friends for help, you need to expect nothing and be grateful for anything that they do end up doing for you.
If Your Friends Set You Up, You Need to Go
The quickest way to stop your friends from helping set you up on dates is by not going on the dates that they set you up with. Sure, you shouldn’t go out with someone that you don’t feel safe with or violates one of your actual deal breakers. But, you need to have an open mind and be willing to try going out with someone that you might not normally.
Remember, your friends know you well and what you’ve been doing so far isn’t working. Don’t be opposed to trying out something new because you may be pleasantly surprised with how well your friends know you.
Also, put yourself in your friend’s shoes. Imagine if one of your friends asked you to help get them dates. Imagine that you actually do this and every person you suggest they shoot down and refuse to go out with. Are you going to keep sending them recommendations? Are you going to keep trying to set them up? If we’re being honest here, probably not. It’s no fun to help someone who appears not to want to be helped.
Be open-minded and it will keep your friends motivated to keep helping you out. You don’t have to keep dating anyone you don’t like, but at least be open to going on some first dates that you might not normally go on.
It’s Okay to Remind Your Friends Every Few Weeks
So, we’ve made sure to be clear that you shouldn’t be annoying or obnoxious when asking your friends to help set you up on dates. But, it is okay to remind them that you are still looking every now and then. We would say every few weeks is probably plenty or you could look to do it once a month. This is certainly not being obnoxious, but it is going to remind your friends you’re still looking.
You see, finding love might be the most important thing in your life that you think about every day. But, your friends have busy lives, love lives of their own, and a lot going on. They will forget, and that is okay. It’s not their responsibility to remember to search for someone for you to go out with. But, this is why it’s okay to remind them. It’s okay to give them a friendly nudge.
Don’t EVER make them feel bad if they haven’t found anyone yet for you If they try and apologize for anything, let them know there is no need to apologize and you appreciate them continuing to keep an eye out for you. The purpose is not to guilt them into finding you someone. If you do that, they will end up just sending you someone they don’t think is a good fit just to send you someone.
Make them feel good and appreciated even if they aren’t really doing anything. Remember, it only takes one special person to change your life, and if you have multiple people out there looking, it’s only going to increase your chances of finding love!
Written By: Matthew J. Seymour, MSF
Matthew J. Seymour is a dating industry expert with over a decade of experience coaching singles, reviewing dating apps, and analyzing trends within the industry. Matt is a published author with his most recent work “Get More Dates: How to Master Online Dating Apps” that hit shelves in 2023. With a Masters of Science in Finance (MSF) degree from the University of Florida and extensive knowledge of the innerworkings of the online dating industry, Matt frequently serves in an advisory role to some of the largest dating apps on the market. In Matt’s current role with Healthy Framework, he leads the interview team that regularly interviews key dating industry leaders, and leverages his financial knowledge and dating app experience to review and share what singles need to know to get the most out of dating online.
Reviewed By: Rychel Johnson, M.S., LCPC
Rychel Johnson, M.S., LCPC has extensive experience in the mental health and personal empowerment fields. With a Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology from the University of Kansas and over a decade of experience in private practice serving adults and teens, her expertise in dealing with dating and romantic relationships is extensive. Rychel is a licenses clinical professional counselor in Kansas and has started a a local therapist collective in Kansas to help establish community and mutual support. In addition to all of this, Rychel is an integral part of the Healthy Framework team ensuring articles and knowledge around dating and dating apps are accurate, safe, and helpful.