If you’ve been online dating for a while, you know that there are endless features and tools on a site or app that give you insights into the other singles out there trying to make connections. There are filters, flirts, quizzes, algorithms—the list is pretty endless.
One unique feature, though, is the ability to see who is viewing your profile. And this feature is available on A LOT of dating apps (Example: eHarmony). What’s great about this feature is that it can potentially clue you in to someone who is interested who might not have had the courage yet to reach out to you.
However, this feature can get a little odd when you see the same person constantly looking at your profile over and over again. Today, we want to look at a few reasons why he keeps looking at your dating profile but doesn’t send you a message (and what happens if he’s doing this and he did send you a message).
1. He’s waiting for the right moment.
As much as we’d all like to put finding love at the top of our priority lists, sometimes life gets in the way. If someone has a busy job or a lot of obligations in other parts of his life, he may be waiting until he’s got time to put together just the right opening message.
He knows how many messages you get that just say “hey” and he doesn’t want to be one of those guys. Extra points if this is actually the case; you may never know, but in its own way he’s showing you respect right out of the gate by putting in the effort to get it right.
Plus, no matter how perfect his first message is, if he sends it and then doesn’t have time to respond, how does that look? You may feel like you’ve been mini-ghosted and wonder what went wrong. No one likes to be left on seen, so he’s being a good guy if he’s waiting until his schedule gives him time for a proper back and forth conversation.
2. He’s shy.
It may not matter how good his opening line might be. Rejection is a bummer for anyone, even just a mini rejection like an unreturned message or like. He may be getting up the nerve to say hello, but wants to make sure he’s got an opener that catches your attention.
He also may not know you know he’s looking. While some of us know all the social tricks and can reverse engineer a path to a stranger’s Insta in five minutes flat, there are plenty of people who don’t dig deep the same way you and your friends do. While the reasons why someone wants to keep looking at your profile vary, if they knew you were looking it’s very possible they’d look less often.
3. He’s hoping you’ll be the first to reach out.
On the other hand, plenty of guys know how online dating works, and they know you probably know, too. They may be trying to subtly signal that they’re interested, but they’re hoping you’ll make the first move. It’s sweet in its way.
On the other hand, it means that their very first move is to ask you to do the heavy lifting, so be aware that this could be a facet of their personality. It doesn’t mean it is; obviously you don’t know (if you knew their motivation, you wouldn’t be reading this). But it’s worth noting.
4. He’s just a creep.
Sometimes men are just gross. Sometimes people are just gross, but…well…sometimes dudes are more so. He may think you’re good looking and not want to actually get to know you. Not cool, but a very real part of online dating.
Unfortunately, sorting out who’s nice and who is a creep is literally what online dating is. The only real tip-off you might have in this scenario is if they look at your profile at odd hours of the night. Then again, they may just have insomnia.
The good news is that in this scenario — or any scenario — is that if seeing them constantly looking at your profile makes you uncomfortable, you can block them at any time. One click and they’re gone.
Poof. Blocking someone means that they’ll lose access to your profile, but also that you won’t be able to look at their profile or contact them, either. If they’re a guy that fits into one of the other scenarios above, you’ll be missing out. Your only chance to find out otherwise would be to make a move first and see how they react.
But if you have an inkling that they may not be the man of your dreams, it’s probably better to go with your gut and just block them. You’ll find the person you’re meant to meet eventually.
4. It’s a software glitch.
Have you ever opened your email on your phone only to have it randomly go to the same message you’ve already read and closed over and over again? Yes, this is a real issue. If it can happen with your email, it very well might be happening with the dating app. Maybe every time he logs into the app, it glitches and opens up to your profile? If that’s the case, he’s not really trying to keep looking at your profile, but it just seems that way.
We’d imagine with more established dating apps, this is going to be rarer. But you can’t rule it out even if it’s not happening to you because he might have a different phone type than you causing the glitch. Again, yes, this is going to be a less likely reason he keeps looking at your dating profile, but you have to be aware of it so you don’t call him out when it’s not really the case.
5. He’s being a good conversationalist
This is the best possible option (and one that only happens when he messages you), because it means he wants to keep the conversation going and find out more about you. Going back to your profile to see what you’ve written is a great way for him to get to know your interests and ask questions that will keep you engaged in the conversation. He’s going back for more information.
Don’t be hurt that he needs crib notes to do that; people look at a lot of profiles during the course of a swipe session, and it’s easy to forget details. And he may even be talking to multiple people. There’s no reason to be worried; you’re not dating just yet. Save those worries for if you do start dating and you find out he’s still online.
The Bottom Line
Honestly, we think looking too far into this is probably a bad idea because it can just as easily mean something good as it can mean something bad. And there is literally no right way to ask a guy why he keeps looking at your profile without making him feel like a creep (whether he is one or not).
The best advice here is to pay more attention to the deliberate moves he makes like messages or flirts. All the other things can be viewed as novelties and shouldn’t weight too heavily into your thought process.