What is Online Dating Like for a Man?

If we had to guess, the readership of this post is probably 100% women. Are you a lady? We thought so 🙂 If you’re here, you’re probably curious as to what online dating is like for men. You know what it’s like for you and your female friends, but you might not have any idea what it’s like for men. Well, today we’re going to enlighten you and pull back the curtain and give you an idea of what things are like for men.

Why is this important? Well, most likely the value this post serves is to curb your curiosity. But, it can also give you some valuable insight into what things look like on the other side of the fence so you can know what the men you are talking to are going through. This will certainly help give you a leg up on the “competition” when you’re trying to draw the attention of a man you are interested in.

Gentlemen…please pull back the curtain.

Woman thinking

The Sheer Number of Messages

All of the women we have talked to said that online dating can become overwhelming thanks to the multitude of messages you receive on a daily basis. We aren’t talking about response messages, but we’re talking about messages that are unsolicited from men. For men…it’s crickets. If a man gets a message from more than one or two women a week, that’s a big week! We’ve talked to several men including very attractive and very successful men, and the story is the same.

Clearly, the women are not making the first move and are only taking the time to respond to messages from men. Want to stand out from the crowd? Send a message to a man first. After his eyes shrink back into his head from shock, he’ll be more than excited to talk with you.

The Quality of First Messages

Most women we’ve spoken too have said that the majority of the first message they get are boring, cookie-cutter messages, that are lacking in the originality department.  For men, though, the few messages that they do get first tend to be of a much higher quality. They usually come from confident women who have taken the time to craft a well-written message.

This is a welcomed change of pace and something that you ladies are probably jealous of. Men often say they would prefer the quantity while women say they want the quality. We can definitely assure you that the quality approach reigns supreme with online dating.

Response Rates are Low

If you’re a decently attractive women who somewhat has her act together, you probably get responses to most of the messages that you send to men. If you’re a great looking man who has his life in perfect order, you still rarely get responses back on your messages even on the dating apps that are best for single men. Most likely this is because the women are inundated with messages, and it takes them a while to get through everything.

As men, the responses that we get are so much fewer than they are for the women. When we do get messages back, they usually take at least a few days, if not a few weeks. This is probably because men are much more likely to take the lead and send out tons of messages to potential matches. Women, on the other hand, are either busy dealing with the influx of incoming messages or are pickier about what they’re looking for.

What does this mean for you? Well, for starters, don’t assume that a guy is desperate just because he responds back to you quickly. The men don’t have as much “action” in their inbox as you do, so getting back to someone that shows interest quickly shouldn’t be looked at as weird or desperate.

The Final Thought

Basically, the bottom line is that online dating for men is a vastly different experience. We get fewer messages and action, but we don’t have to deal with as much riff-raff and inappropriateness as the women have to. If you want to really take a man by surprise, send him the first message. Make sure you take some time to craft a great message, and you’ll be pretty surprised with his excitement and response rate.

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Author: Matt Seymour, MSF

Matthew J. Seymour is a dating industry expert with over a decade of experience coaching singles, reviewing dating apps, and analyzing trends within the industry. Matt is a published author with his most recent work “Get More Dates: How to Master Online Dating Apps” that hit shelves in 2023. With a Masters of Science in Finance (MSF) degree from the University of Florida and extensive knowledge of the innerworkings of the online dating industry, Matt frequently serves in an advisory role to some of the largest dating apps on the market. In Matt’s current role with Healthy Framework, he leads the interview team that regularly interviews key dating industry leaders, and leverages his financial knowledge and dating app experience to review and share what singles need to know to get the most out of dating online.