3 Texting and Dating Mistakes That Are Driving Him Away

Things were going so great! And then all of a sudden, like Casper on the mainstage, the guy you’ve been texting with ghosts off into the distance never to be heard from again. It’s certainly not you, right? Welllllllll, let’s not jump to conclusions so quickly. Let’s put our ego aside for a bit and take an honest look at the situation.

You see, men are different creatures than us ladies (men, if you’re reading this, these are going to be great tips for you too). It’s very possible that the way you’re texting them is turning them off and they are losing interest or getting spooked. But, never fear, because we’re going to walk you through the most common texting mistakes that women make and what you can do to fix them.

Girl texting and dating

1. You’re responding with lighting speed.

Dating is weird. We complain when people don’t respond fast enough to our texts and calls, but then we lose interest and run for the hills when they respond too quickly. Seriously, what gives? Here’s something strange about men. They like what they can’t have and they want to feel like they’re chasing what they want. Maybe it’s the ancient hunter gatherer in them? Or maybe they’re just insane?

Either way, they don’t like things that come to them too easily. Now, we are NOT saying to play games or play hard to get. What we’re saying is that you shouldn’t respond to every message they send before they even send it. Wait at least a few minutes. Why? Well, when you respond in lightning speed every time to their texts it makes them think that you have no life. It makes them think that you are obsessed and have nothing else going for you.

Yes, that is drawing a lot from a simple timing thing, but it’s what men do. How do we know? We asked them. A lot of them. And most of them said the same thing. So, take your time when you respond. We aren’t saying to wait days or even hours. Just don’t snap respond every single time they text. It’s okay to wait a few minutes and collect your thoughts before you respond. It will also give the appearance that you’ve got other things to do.

We repeat, though, we are NOT advising you to play games. Just don’t seem so desperate.

Read: How to Write the Best Dating Profile

2. You’re writing him a novel.

You: Hey! How are you cutie?

Him: Good, how are you?

You: I’m great, thanks for asking! Today I went to the store, got a haircut, and then finished some of my work at home. I’m a little excited for Greys Anatomy tonight because its my favorite show. I’ll probably have some wine and cook dinner. I think I’m going to make some turkey and maybe something yummy for dessert. What are you up to tonight?

Him: Probably gonna get to bed early. Work tomorrow ya know

You: Oh yea, I totally get that! I like to sleep a lot on the weekends, but during the week I can’t miss my shows. I usually like to get up early and go to the gym. While I’m there I usually work out..blah blah, you get the idea.

Look, we aren’t saying that the information you’re sharing with them isn’t awesome. Heck, we think it’s great that you’re trying to drive a conversation. But, if he’s just sending you short responses and you’re sending him novels, it’s going to drive him away. Not to mention you’re putting WAY more into the conversation than him.

Does this mean he sucks? No. He might not like using technology or he might be busy. Whatever it is, it’s okay as long as he responds to you when he can and he’s awesome in person. But, you shouldn’t be sending novels when he’s sending one liners. Reciprocate what he sends to you and you’ll be good to go. Don’t go overboard and start counting words and letters. Just don’t go overboard sending novels. It can start to seem desperate and weird.

3. You’re getting too mushy.

Him: Amy? Hi, this is Mark!

You: Hey pookie! OMG I am so excited you texted me, like, I LOVE that you texted me my love. How are you?!

We showed this to a guy on our team here and we now have to clean up his vomit off the office floor. Look ladies, it is AWESOME that you’re excited and falling in love. But, men are a bit of a different breed. They can get down with the mushy talk, but not early in the relationship. If you’re just dating, keep all that stuff to a minimum. If you have to do it, do it in person where you can gauge how it is received. In texts, though, you have no idea how the guy is interpreting it.

Men are different than us. And, when you send a text message, you write it with the voice inflection you want. You know how much of that voice inflection makes it through to the other side? Zero. A great rule of thumb is to read your text back to you monotone. If it changes the meaning, change your text. Also, if you sound like crazy sauce, fix it. Keep your crazy sauce to in person dates so you can gauge how they take it and explain if it’s not good.

You got this!

Read: 10 Dating Profile Mistakes That Are Hurting Your Search for Love

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Author: Matt Seymour, MSF

Matthew J. Seymour is a dating industry expert with over a decade of experience coaching singles, reviewing dating apps, and analyzing trends within the industry. Matt is a published author with his most recent work “Get More Dates: How to Master Online Dating Apps” that hit shelves in 2023. With a Masters of Science in Finance (MSF) degree from the University of Florida and extensive knowledge of the innerworkings of the online dating industry, Matt frequently serves in an advisory role to some of the largest dating apps on the market. In Matt’s current role with Healthy Framework, he leads the interview team that regularly interviews key dating industry leaders, and leverages his financial knowledge and dating app experience to review and share what singles need to know to get the most out of dating online.