How Do You Know If Your Online Dating Match is a Jerk?

The stage has been set, you’ve met this really great online dating match. They almost seem too good to be true. Maybe you find yourself wondering if they are for real, or if the other shoe is going to drop at any moment and you are going to find out they are a major jerk.

Is this whole thing an act, a stage show? Could someone REALLY be this great? This nice? This charming? This into you? Read on to learn how you can filter out the actors and actresses from the real deal and to know if your online dating match is going to turn out to be a jerk.

guy yelling like a jerk

Takes Them Forever to Get Back to Your Messages

Does it take several days for your online dating match to get back to you’re the messages you have sent them via the dating site or app? Sure, you could analyze every possibility and justify the delay in their response, or you could just get honest with yourself. Yes, maybe they are “super busy” with work this week, or maybe they are just a jerk.

One of our favorite sayings is: Don’t ever make someone a priority who only ever makes you an option. If someone takes several days to get back to you (pending some special extenuating circumstance or emergency) this is a way of them saying, “I’m just too busy for you.” We’re all busy, but we aren’t all jerks about it.

They Have Blown You Off

Well, this is a bit more of an obvious jerk move, but we wanted to make sure we put it in here to be thorough. Perhaps they had a really good reason for cancelling your first date because their sister was having a baby. We are not talking about that circumstance, if that is your situation, then disregard this section.

We are speaking to those of you who have been blown off for no good reason. For example, every time you inquire about meeting up, they are always “working late” or have some other excuse. If they have done this to you several times, it may be time to move on from this jerk.

Read: How to Know When Your Match is Blowing You Off

They Talk Non-Stop About Themselves

The whole point of getting to know someone through online dating is to see what your compatibility is with that person. It is hard to truly get to know what your compatibility would be with someone who does all the talking, and only talks about themselves. They should be trying to get to know you.

If you find that every conversation somehow turns into a conversation about them, perhaps this should be a red flag. We’re baffled about how they were able to turn the story you shared about your Grammy’s 72nd birthday party into a story about how they hope to one day win a Grammy award (or at least a nomination). Wow. Winning.

They Speak Badly About Key People in Their Life

We all have our mix of good days and bad days from time-to-time. If every time you message or speak with them, they are speaking badly about the key people in their life, or heck just people in general, this is yet another sign they may be a jerk. How do you think they speak about you when you’re not around?

The way we speak about anything in our life has everything to do with the fullness in our hearts… okay, yes… that is super cheesy, but true! It is the same concept behind the glass being half-full or half-empty. You want to surround yourself with people who will build you up, not tear you down. You don’t need to add any jerks to the equation.

The Bottom Line

Don’t waste time making someone a priority who only ever makes you an option. If they are passive in their communication with you now, that won’t change much down the road. Someone who is seriously interested in getting to know you should be trying to learn everything they can about you, not finding every possible way to make everything all about themselves. We don’t want to speak badly about anyone, but if they fit any of these criteria, they just might be a jerk.

Photo of author

Author: Matt Seymour, MSF

Matthew J. Seymour is a dating industry expert with over a decade of experience coaching singles, reviewing dating apps, and analyzing trends within the industry. Matt is a published author with his most recent work “Get More Dates: How to Master Online Dating Apps” that hit shelves in 2023. With a Masters of Science in Finance (MSF) degree from the University of Florida and extensive knowledge of the innerworkings of the online dating industry, Matt frequently serves in an advisory role to some of the largest dating apps on the market. In Matt’s current role with Healthy Framework, he leads the interview team that regularly interviews key dating industry leaders, and leverages his financial knowledge and dating app experience to review and share what singles need to know to get the most out of dating online.