First dates are exciting. And what’s more exciting is knowing that the spark was strong enough and you brought you’re a-game and secured a second date! But how do you know if they want a second date? Are there any things you can do or indicators you can look for that signal they’re interested in seeing you again?
The answers is most certainly yes. In this article, we’re going to look at eight ways to know if they’re interested in a second date. We’ll also look at some unique situations where it might be harder to tell and give you some great ideas about how to proceed.
The Only Way to Know for Sure…
Before we dig into the signs, we want to make something super clear. The only way to know if someone 100% wants a second date is to ask. While the signs in this guide are super helpful and can be very telling, the only way to get to that 100% mark is to have a conversation about it.
How to Ask for a Second Date
Do we recommend asking for a second date? We do! We’re always big advocates for communication, and this is also the case when you’re just getting to know each other. That being said, you want to be tactful about how you ask for a second date because you don’t want to knock the fun out of the equation by making things too formal or seem like you’re desperate or not confident.
While there are a million different ways to ask for a second date, we want to keep it simple. Here are a few text messages you can send after your date to see if they’re interested or not. Ideally, these are best to be sent a few hours after the date or possibly mid-day following the first date.
- I had a lot of fun tonight/last night! If you’re interested, I’d love to take you out again sometime soon.
- That dinner was so delicious, thanks! I had a really nice time. If you’re free, let’s get together sometime soon again!
- Thanks for tonight! We should do it again sometime soon.
Notice that we’re not being wishy-washy and saying things like “maybe if you had fun too we could go out” or anything like that. We’re assuming in our message that they had fun without being cocky. Additionally, we’re letting them know the ball is in their court along with the fact that we’re interested in seeing them again.
Sometimes you see advice columnist advice basically assuming they want to go out with you again no matter what to seem more confident. Honestly, that’s a pretty douche-tastic approach. Just because you are being cognizant that they have a choice in the matter and putting the ball in their court does not make you any less confident.
Can you make these comments in person? Yes, you can. But it can be a bit more awkward for the person feeling put on the spot. The follow-up text gives them time to process the date and decide how they felt about it. The text also makes it clear that the next move is theirs, so you don’t end up in that limbo of wondering if you should ask again.
If you’d like to learn more, we’d encourage you to check out our article dedicated to how to ask someone out on a second date the right way.
Signs They’re Interested in a Second Date
- They talk about doing things in the future. The biggest sign is if the other person starts talking about the two of you doing something down the road. For example, if you start talking about how good you are at mini-golf and they’re like “I’m good too! We should go sometime and see who is really the best,” that’s a really good sign they’re interested in a second date.
- They tell you they want to see you again. This may seem like something silly to put on the list, but we hear a lot of people who love to overthink things. If the other person says they want to see you again or mentions wanting a second date, assume they mean it.
- The excitement and conversation are two-sided. If you’re the one driving the whole conversation and the only one bringing energy, the chances are higher (not zero) that they’re not interested in a second date. But if they’re laughing and having fun with you in the conversation, that’s a good sign. Do keep in mind that shy people might not exhibit this right away, which is why asking is always the best course of action.
- The date runs longer than planned. Again, not a tell-tale sign (especially if people have other things planned or kids or dogs at home/work in the morning), but if the date goes longer than the timeframe expected, that’s a really good sign. For example, if you have coffee and both of you finish your coffee but keep talking for a long time afterward—a great sign for a second date. Or if you finish your date activity and end up going for a walk or doing something to extend the date and they brought it up or are excited about it—another great sign.
- They don’t want to leave. – Okay, this doesn’t mean like creepiness where you can’t get rid of them, but what we’re talking about is that feeling at the end of the date that you both want it to keep going longer. It ties in with the previous sign they’re interested, but comes into play more when you’re up against a reason that one of you has to leave. If you start to feel this mutual feeling (or someone says something about it), it’s a great sign.
- They’re focused on you (and not the phone). – How focused on the conversation and interaction were they? Were they checking their phone all the time or were they focused on you. If they were on the phone all the time, that’s a bad sign. However, if they were focused on you and left the phone in their pockets, they may be wanting that second date.
- They ask about your relationship status. – While we’re not proponents of asking about exes on the first date, it’s usually okay to talk broadly about relationship status. Obviously, unless you’re getting into something unique, you should both be fully single, but if they start to ask questions like “how long have you been single” or if “you’re actively dating other people” or anything like that, they’re probably interested in you and therefor probably want a second date.
- Smiles and laughter. – You don’t have to be a stand-up comic to have success on a first date. However, when two people are clicking, there are usually a lot of smiles and at least some laughs. If you are getting this positive body language from him or from her, the chances are good they’ll be looking to score that second date.
The Bottom Line
Keep in mind that these clues and signs are not definitive. They’re just ways for you to have a better idea of whether or not the other person had as much fun as you did on the date. One of the main reasons they’re not definitive is that first dates can be awkward. People are nervous and hanging out with someone you’ve never met before can be awkward.
Make sure you don’t disqualify the idea of a second date if you don’t see all, some, or even any of these signs. Remember, the best course of action is always to ask. The worst they can say is no thanks.
Written By: Matthew J. Seymour, MSF
Matthew J. Seymour is a dating industry expert with over a decade of experience coaching singles, reviewing dating apps, and analyzing trends within the industry. Matt is a published author with his most recent work “Get More Dates: How to Master Online Dating Apps” that hit shelves in 2023. With a Masters of Science in Finance (MSF) degree from the University of Florida and extensive knowledge of the innerworkings of the online dating industry, Matt frequently serves in an advisory role to some of the largest dating apps on the market. In Matt’s current role with Healthy Framework, he leads the interview team that regularly interviews key dating industry leaders, and leverages his financial knowledge and dating app experience to review and share what singles need to know to get the most out of dating online.
Reviewed By: Rychel Johnson, M.S., LCPC
Rychel Johnson, M.S., LCPC has extensive experience in the mental health and personal empowerment fields. With a Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology from the University of Kansas and over a decade of experience in private practice serving adults and teens, her expertise in dealing with dating and romantic relationships is extensive. Rychel is a licenses clinical professional counselor in Kansas and has started a a local therapist collective in Kansas to help establish community and mutual support. In addition to all of this, Rychel is an integral part of the Healthy Framework team ensuring articles and knowledge around dating and dating apps are accurate, safe, and helpful.