Don’t Let Online Dating Control You

I. Am. Your. Master… I. Am. Online. Dating…You. Will. Obey. Me. If these are the commands you hear coming from your computer or phone in regards to dating online, we’re here to help. Online dating is a fantastic way for singles to find love in 2018. The problem, though, is that because it is so readily accessible, it’s easy for the world of online dating to become your only world.

Two hands in handcuffs

In this post, we want to talk about why it’s important not to let online dating control you and a few tips on how you can accomplish this. It isn’t hard to keep things under control, but it does take a little bit of effort on your part.

Why Is Online Dating Controlling You a Bad Thing

First of all, no matter what we are talking about, anytime something other than yourself is in control of you, it’s an issue. We won’t go too far down that philosophical rabbit hole, but keep that in mind. The reason that online dating controlling you is bad specifically is that it can knock your “regular life” out of whack and can also cause you to have issues in your dating search.

First, let’s look at your personal life. If every time your phone dings or you get an email notification that you have a match you run to check it, a lot of things are going to happen. You’re going to lose productivity and focus with anything else you are doing (like your work), and your friends and family are going to get annoyed.

Can you imagine if every time you tried to talk to a friend they were distracted talking to potential matches online? Now imagine how they would feel if you were doing that.

Finding love is important, but not if it comes at the expense of the rest of your life. Even if you do find that special someone, the rest of your life could be left so out of whack that you end up ruining the relationship trying to get things in order.

How to Protect Yourself From Losing Control

Ultimately, keeping things in check is going to be up to you. It’s all about moderation. Putting in time and effort into finding that special someone is great, but it needs to be done in moderation. If you’re putting in hours and hours a day grinding, you’re putting in too much effort.

Here’s the real determining factor, though. Does your online dating take away from any of your commitments in the rest of your life? Are you skipping hanging out with friends so you can search through singles online? Are you showing up late to work or events because you’re spending too much time online? Are any other areas of your life suffering and not prospering how they normally do because of your online dating?

If you answered yes or even had to hesitate to answer no on any of these questions, it’s time to take a step back. What you need to do is schedule the times that you will check your online dating accounts. What we recommend is maybe 10-15 minutes in the morning and no more than 30-45 minutes at night. This keeps you under an hour a day which is more than reasonable.

Now, what does this mean? This means that the rest of the day you do not check your accounts at all. If you have to turn off your notifications or email alerts to make this easier, go for it. Heck, if you need to delete the app from your phone and only use the desktop version of the site, go for it. Whatever it is that you need to do to get things under control, you do it.

The Final Word

The more that you stick to the rules that you set for yourself, the better off your online dating experience is going to be. The rest of your life is going to stay intact, your friends and family aren’t going to be upset with your disappearing act, and you’re not going to get burnt out and bitter. All of us have gotten a little carried away with the online dating at one time or another. Make sure you give yourself an honest look in the mirror and if you need to make adjustments, make them for yourself.

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Author: Matt Seymour, MSF

Matthew J. Seymour is a dating industry expert with over a decade of experience coaching singles, reviewing dating apps, and analyzing trends within the industry. Matt is a published author with his most recent work “Get More Dates: How to Master Online Dating Apps” that hit shelves in 2023. With a Masters of Science in Finance (MSF) degree from the University of Florida and extensive knowledge of the innerworkings of the online dating industry, Matt frequently serves in an advisory role to some of the largest dating apps on the market. In Matt’s current role with Healthy Framework, he leads the interview team that regularly interviews key dating industry leaders, and leverages his financial knowledge and dating app experience to review and share what singles need to know to get the most out of dating online.