Nobody likes to feel rejected. We don’t care if it’s dating rejection, getting your credit card rejected, or getting picked last to play kickball. Regardless of how serious the situation is, rejection sucks.
If there is an area where rejection is worse, though, it would be the world of dating. It always stings a bit more and feels far more personal than some other situations.
What we’d like to talk about today is how to deal with rejection in dating. We’re going to give you some tips to keep your head up, not let it get to you, and to keep pushing forward in the search for someone special. Rejection is a part of life, and the sooner you learn to deal with it properly, the sooner you’ll find some real success dating and in the rest of your life. We’ll get off of our Dr. Phil soapbox now and give you the tips.
You Can’t Take Dating Rejection Personally
This is the absolute hardest thing to do in the world outside of maybe folding a fitted sheet. While dating rejection usually feels personal, it’s usually far from it. When you ask someone out, and they say no, do you automatically assume it’s because they don’t like you? If you’re a normal human being with a pulse, you probably do.
Here’s the truth, though. Majority of the time that someone turns you down for a date, it has little to nothing to do with you. Here is just a preliminary list of reasons that someone may not be responding to your messages or may not be interested in getting to know you better.
- Sometimes they’ve had a bad day
- Sometimes they don’t feel like talking to someone
- Sometimes they’re already talking to someone
- Sometimes, they’re not in the mood
Have you ever felt this way? We bet you have! And if someone were to approach you at that time, chances are they wouldn’t have much luck. And you know what? That has nothing to do with them. So, why would it be any different when you approach someone?
The idea is that there are thousands and thousands of reasons that they could be saying no. You may think they are rejecting you, but most of the time they are just rejecting the situation which has nothing to do with you.
And what happens when that isn’t the case, and they really aren’t interested in you? So. What! When we go to pick out a new shirt and see one we don’t like, should the designer get offended?
No! People have different tastes, likes, and dislikes. If that weren’t the case, we would all wear the same clothes because we had identical likes and dislikes. The fact that we don’t is what makes this world beautiful. Dating rejection can sometimes just be someone with different interests expressing that.
You can’t allow yourself to be upset just because someone that you like doesn’t have the same feelings for you. It does not mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means that person isn’t the right one for you. End of story.
What to Do When You Get Rejected
The first step in dealing with rejection in dating is realizing that it’s not personal. The quicker that you can do this, the easier it will be to deal with. It’s easier said than done, but it’s still doable and something that you can certainly get better at.
Secondly, you have to move along fast. Don’t dwell on the situation or try and convince the person that you’re worth a shot. Why would you ever want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with you anyways? You should want to be with someone who wants to be with you now, later, and is sad for the time they missed before they met you.
The last step of dealing with rejection in dating is you need to keep your head up. If you haven’t mastered not taking it personally yet, that’s okay. It’s going to take time, and we’re all human.
What you need to make sure, though, is that you don’t let it damage your confidence and cause you to approach future potential dating matches more timidly. Keep your head up, remember that you are special, and remember that there is someone out there who is going to go crazy for the opportunity to spend time with you. You just have to find that person.
One Final Tip to Deal With Online Dating Rejection
One of the reasons that people struggle with dating rejection online even more than in the real world is that they allow their minds to run wild during the process. They’ll have one conversation with a person, look through their pictures, read their profiles, and suddenly decide they are the man or woman of their dreams. Their minds will make assumptions and will always make the assumption that fits their fairy tale narrative the best.
While it’s fun to speculate on what could be, it’s a recipe for disaster. You end up propping someone up on a pedestal that they may or may not deserve to be on. The greater that you think someone is or that your mind makes them out to be, the more it hurts when they aren’t interested. Stop doing this to yourself. Allow the person to be who they really are and stop letting your daydreaming get you in trouble.
Dating rejection should not and is not personal. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but it’s also easily conquered. Realize that it’s not personal, keep your head up, and move on to someone else that feels the same way about you that you do about them. You’re not going to find Mr. or Ms. Right on the first message unless you are the luckiest person on the planet. That means you’re going to have to go through some no’s to get to the yes’s.
How Online Dating Can Help with Dating Rejection
One of the reasons that a lot of people struggle dealing with rejection in dating is they think the person shutting them down is the only option. The reality? That person is just one single in a sea of singles. The really great dating apps have tons of singles to choose from. The quicker you can see that, the easier dealing with dating rejection can be.
A great way to get over things quickly is to use online dating to expand your horizons. Online dating sites give you the ability to see thousands and thousands of high quality singles in no time. If you’re struggling with dating rejection right now, take a minute and use the free trials we’ve linked below to see what else is out there.
It won’t take you long to realize that there are other great singles out there you can reach out to!
Written By: Matthew J. Seymour, MSF
Matthew J. Seymour is a dating industry expert with over a decade of experience coaching singles, reviewing dating apps, and analyzing trends within the industry. Matt is a published author with his most recent work “Get More Dates: How to Master Online Dating Apps” that hit shelves in 2023. With a Masters of Science in Finance (MSF) degree from the University of Florida and extensive knowledge of the innerworkings of the online dating industry, Matt frequently serves in an advisory role to some of the largest dating apps on the market. In Matt’s current role with Healthy Framework, he leads the interview team that regularly interviews key dating industry leaders, and leverages his financial knowledge and dating app experience to review and share what singles need to know to get the most out of dating online.
Reviewed By: Debbie Gutfreund, MA
Debbie Gutfreund, MA holds a B.A. in English from the University of Pennsylvania and an MA in Family Therapy from the University of North Texas. With nearly two decades of experience in mental health treating both individuals and families through narrative therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and trauma therapy as well as running coping skills workshops for all ages, Debbie is an integral part of the Healthy Framework team. At Healthy Framework, Debbie ensures articles about dating apps are accurate, safely written, and presented in a way that best benefits readers. In addition to her work with Healthy Framework, Debbie works as a clinician at the New England Behavioral Wellness Clinic.