With over 60 different coaches, Relationship Hero is definitely one of the biggest players in the dating and life coaching spaces. In today’s interview series, our Matt Seymour sits down with Jacqui Pugh, one of Relationship Hero’s Dating, Relationship, and Life coaches to find out more about the company, how she approaches coaching, some of the bigger issues that she sees singles dealing with, and even some great advice.
Let’s go ahead and check out the interview now.
Full Relationship Hero Interview Transcript
Matt Seymour:
Hi everybody, this is Matt from Healthy Framework. Today I am very excited to be joined by Jacqui Pugh, a dating relationship and life coach for Relationship Hero.
Jacqui, thank you so much for joining.
Jacqui Pugh:
Thank you for having me. I’m super excited to be here.
Matt Seymour:
Yeah, absolutely.
Well, let’s dive right into it. Can you tell me, by starting out here, a little bit about what your company and what you do?
Jacqui Pugh:
Yeah.
At Relationship Hero we are, I’m sure you could probably guess it, all about relationships. We are the heroes that jump in when stuff is hitting the fan, or you are new to dating, or you’re tired of your dating patterns, or you got cheated on, or are getting mixed signals. We help you figure out what to do in those scenarios, so that you’re not going into it blindly.
Matt Seymour:
That’s excellent.
And I love the name, especially the way you described it. You guys step in and help save the day, depending on the individual situation.
Jacqui Pugh:
Yes, exactly.
Matt Seymour:
That’s perfect.
So there are, obviously, a lot of dating coaches offering services out there. What would you say sets you apart from other dating coaches?
Jacqui Pugh:
I have so much to say about this.
For one, just generally speaking, at Relationship Hero, you get real human beings and it’s not a one-size-fits-all, right? A lot of times when you go online and you’re looking up dating coaches, “What should I do when I’m going through a breakup?” Or, “What should I do on a first date?” It’s usually a one-size-fits-all type of thing. And what we do is individualized, specifically for each person in each scenario.
And for me, I think that that’s gold. Obviously, if you look at my personal reviews, all you’re going to see is gold.
Matt Seymour:
Mm-hmm.
Jacqui Pugh:
Because all the details matter. I’m not going to ever give a one-size-fits-all, and the other coaches don’t either.
For me, in particular, what I do… Every coach at Relationship Hero has their own style. They all have different backgrounds, they all have different things that they help with. So when you go to sign up at Relationship Hero, you will actually get matched with a coach that we feel is going to serve you best in your circumstance.
Matt Seymour:
Okay.
Jacqui Pugh:
So for what I do, I’m a neurolinguistic programming…
Let me back it up.
I’m a master practitioner of neurolinguistic programming. So if you’ve heard of anybody like Tony Robbins, that’s the style that he does. And I’m hyper-focused on helping people figure out what is triggering the reaction? What is triggering your current situation? What is the root cause? Because if I give you a one-size-fits-all or just help you through this particular scenario, more than likely it’s going to pop up again in your life and I’m not really helping you.
Matt Seymour:
Mm-hmm.
Jacqui Pugh:
So I want to find out why do you have your dating patterns? Why are you cheating? Why do you always stay with people who are cheating on you? Why do you always do X, Y, and Z on dates and self-sabotage?
And usually, that means that we have to go back to childhood, and there’s usually things there where things stem from. And what I personally do is, I help people rewire their brains. So a lot of times people come in for the Relationship Hero stuff for external relationships, and we definitely work there, but with my clients, we usually do a lot much deeper work and we work on the relationship with themselves.
Matt Seymour:
Awesome.
Jacqui Pugh:
It’s the longest one that you have.
Matt Seymour:
Yeah.
Jacqui Pugh:
And whatever you have [inaudible 00:03:34] relationship you have with yourself is usually going to dictate what your relationships look like in the external world.
Matt Seymour:
Yeah, that makes sense. And I love the approach that you take to it from your personal level there overall with it, so very cool.
Jacqui Pugh:
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Matt Seymour:
So we see a lot of people who are struggling with dating on our side, but they don’t think they need a coach. What would you say to someone like this?
Jacqui Pugh:
I would say, “Why do you think you don’t need a coach?” That would be my question. If we repeat the same exact thing over, and over, and over, there’s usually a common denominator. When I hit my own rock bottom, I too, and in dating, in every area of my life, but dating was the icing on the cake, it’s like, “What is the common denominator? Because when I figure it out, I’m going to blame it so hard.” And I figured it out, and it was me.
Matt Seymour:
Yeah.
Jacqui Pugh:
Yeah. And so, then I had five minutes of victimhood where I was like, “It’s me. How can it be me?” And I was a victim to myself. But that’s when I realized, “Wait a minute. If it’s me, I have the power to change it.”
So if you’re somebody who is experiencing the same exact things in your dating life, in your dating experience, talk to somebody. I used to be a personal trainer, and I always had a personal trainer because I can’t see my blind spots. I’m a life coach and I have more than one life coach, I have multiple coaches, because I can’t see my own blind spots. So go talk to somebody. It’s not failure.
I always see self-development like, “Yes, my emphasis is on relationships,, and breakups, and dating, but I’m a life coach. I’m a self-development coach.” And there’s a stigma around therapy, around coaching, around things like that, as in, “There’s something wrong with me.” I used to feel the same way.
Now I recognize it’s, “Wait a minute, wait a minute. Why is 4% of the world’s population actually happy? Why are they the only ones that are fulfilled and have freedom within themselves? What do they have that I don’t have? Oh, they actually learned emotional intelligence, and they got into self-development programs, and they worked with a therapist or a coach on X, Y, and z.” I see it now as, “Whatever little tools you got over there, come here and give them to me. I want them.” I’m getting my master’s now.
Matt Seymour:
Right. That’s awesome.
Jacqui Pugh:
That’s how I view my coaches, is I’m getting a master’s in something that they refuse to teach me in school. Nobody’s a failure. If you can’t ride a bike and nobody taught you how to ride a bike, you’re not a failure. If you’re trying to have relationships, but nobody taught you how to be in a relationship, you’re not a failure. You just need to go get your master’s in it.
Matt Seymour:
Yeah, that makes sense. I like the approach and the idea there. And I think that will, hopefully, resonate with some of the folks that are watching that maybe have struggled with that themselves with everything.
Jacqui Pugh:
Yeah.
Matt Seymour:
So thank you for the feedback there.
Switching gears a little bit, what would you say is the most challenging part about being a dating coach?
Jacqui Pugh:
I want to give everybody my time. Probably not the answer that we were looking for here. I love what I do, I love it. I love it. And sometimes I will burn myself out. And I’m way more cautious about it now because I’m like, “Oh, but this conversation’s so good.” When I’m in session with people, it’s not this super serious, boring thing. We’re doing deep work, but we’re also having fun and it’s my favorite topic.
Matt Seymour:
Yeah.
Jacqui Pugh:
And if people are having an emergency and they reach out, “Jacqui, this thing happened. Do you have an open slot available today?” I know my max capacity, and sometimes I will want to cross my own boundary because I’m like, “Oh, I want to help them. It’s fun.”
So for me, that’s the most challenging part.
Matt Seymour:
Yeah, that makes sense.
And then flipping it on the other side, what would you say is the most rewarding part about being a dating coach?
Jacqui Pugh:
When I see people who, in particular, people who felt so sad and lonely, and could never be by themselves, could never be single, and happy, and content, and fulfilled, actually become single, and happy, and content, and fulfilled and don’t need a relationship, but want one. That’s the most rewarding thing.
And then, last night I was chatting with one of my clients, she was one of my very first clients ever. She was dating a guy for five years and then he randomly broke up with her. And then, the new girl moved into her house while she still lived there. Girl was going through it. And she’s getting married on November 11th to the love of her life, this amazing, amazing guy. She’s like, “Jacqui, if it wasn’t for you and the work that you do, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be in this healthy relationship.”
Matt Seymour:
Yeah.
Jacqui Pugh:
So the relationships, for me, are the bonus on the reward.
Matt Seymour:
Yeah, yeah. No, that makes sense. And that’s great for her that even with such a low, she’s got a wedding in a few days or whatever, next weekend or something.
Jacqui Pugh:
Yeah. Yeah, nine days.
Matt Seymour:
So are you going? Did you get an invite?
Jacqui Pugh:
We, a bunch of us, initially had an invite and then they decided to do a super tiny, tiny wedding.
Matt Seymour:
Fair enough.
Jacqui Pugh:
There’s like five people going.
Matt Seymour:
Still exciting. I’m sure you’ll get all the pictures and things.
Jacqui Pugh:
But sometimes I get invited to them.
Matt Seymour:
That’s amazing.
Jacqui Pugh:
What’s that?
Matt Seymour:
I said, “I’m sure you’ll get tons of pictures and updates from them with it.”
Jacqui Pugh:
I will.
Matt Seymour:
Excellent.
So changing gears a little bit again, what would you say is the biggest issue that you see with the people that you work with, and has that changed in response to the pandemic?
Jacqui Pugh:
Can you say that one more time?
Matt Seymour:
Sure thing.
What would you say is the biggest issue that you see with people that you work with, and has it changed in response to the pandemic?
Jacqui Pugh:
It’s when people don’t want to look at themselves. When they don’t want to think that maybe I can be the one contributing to this. Not necessarily that these things are my fault, but maybe I’m contributing to this.
I actually think that the pandemic helped, because people were in isolation where… So there’s something called attachment styles. And most clients that we have tend to be more anxious attachment style. Those are the people that are like, “I’ve tried everything.” That was me. “I’ve tried everything, nothing’s working. What else can I do?”
Matt Seymour:
Yeah.
Jacqui Pugh:
People who tend to be more avoidant don’t want to look at their stuff. And I have a lot of people that are coming to me now, even people in my personal life, who are like, “You know, being in isolation really made me start reevaluating my life and think about how I show up. And I used to run away, or lead people on, or fill in the blank, and I don’t want to be like that anymore.”
So I think it actually helped people get more introspective, which is the most important thing, I think, when it comes to dating.
Matt Seymour:
Yeah. No, that makes sense. And I know, personally, I saw so many friends that made transformations, a lot of them physical, during COVID, right? They took a look at themselves and like, “Well, what can I change? What can I do?” And so, that’s great to see even on the dating side that a lot of folks took that internal look there with it, so.
Jacqui Pugh:
I love that.
Matt Seymour:
It’s amazing. Perfect.
So to close out, we want to give you a chance to share a piece of advice so people can see how you approach things. And this is really a broad one for you, but what’s one piece of advice that you would offer to someone who is actively dating right now?
Jacqui Pugh:
One piece of advice. Okay. This is something that you can just take with you and think about, for whoever’s listening.
Ask yourself, “Would I date me? Would I date me?” Be honest with yourself. If you wouldn’t date you, then what are those areas that you know probably could do a little work on that and help love on my life?
Let’s say that you want to date somebody who’s a super successful entrepreneur, and is in shape, and has a massive social circle, and is outgoing. But you sit at home and you eat potato chips on the couch every night and watch TV, and haven’t even tried to maybe get a little bit of a raise for inflation. It’s probably not going to match.
But if you start to work on yourself, not that you have to be an entrepreneur or have a six-pack or anything like that. But if you start to put in those same practices, one, you’re going to become more attractive. And two, there’s a whole energetic world out there that we can’t see.
Matt Seymour:
Yeah.
Jacqui Pugh:
And like energy attracts like energy. So if you start working on those things and start vibrating where this other person is vibrating, you have a better chance of finding a match.
Matt Seymour:
No, that’s great. And I love like, at first, that question seems so simple, “Would you date you?” But then when you really peel back the onion, it’s pretty deep as you start to think through it with everything. So I love that. It’s an amazing piece of advice there.
Well, Jacqui, thank you so much for joining. It really was a pleasure to get to talk and learn a little bit more, not only about Relationship Hero but your own coaching services. Super excited to continue to follow Relationship Hero, and maybe we can do a check-in sometime again in three or six months just to see how things are going.
But thank you so much for the time, and really appreciate you taking the time to do this.
Jacqui Pugh:
Thank you for having me. This was so fun, thank you.
Matt Seymour:
Of course.