If you’ve been online dating for a while, you know that there are endless tools on a site or app that give you insights into the single people out there trying to make connections. There are ways to filter by looks, by age, by hobbies.
You can take quizzes to find more compatible matches. And you may have to pat a little extra for it, but you can even be a little more selective about who sees your profile…and you can see who’s been looking at it.
That last one — seeing who’s been viewing your profile — is a double-edged sword. One of the great things about knowing who’s viewed your profile is that it gives you the opportunity to make the sorting process a little bit easier.
With so many people to swipe on, getting a leg up and choosing to like the profiles of someone who’s already liked you or taken the extra time to read your profile puts you at better odds to match with someone and start a conversation.
But what if you see they’re looking at your profile a little too often? It may seem a little weird (that’s why you’re here, right?) but not every reason a person looks at your profile multiple times is a bad one. Let’s run through a few scenarios.
This is the best possible option, because it means he wants to keep the conversation going and find out more about you. Going back to your profile to see what you’ve written is a great way for him to get to know your interests and ask questions that will keep you engaged in the conversation. He’s going back for more information.
Don’t be hurt that he needs crib notes to do that; people look at a lot of profiles during the course of a swipe session, and it’s easy to forget details. And he may even be talking to multiple people. There’s no reason to be worried; you’re not dating just yet. Save those worries for if you do start dating and you find out he’s still online.
The bottom line: Going back to your profile is actually a good thing, if you’re interested too.
As much as we’d all like to put finding love at the top of our priority lists, sometimes life gets in the way. If someone has a busy job or a lot of obligations in other parts of his life, he may be waiting until he’s got time to put together just the right opening message.
He knows how many messages you get that just say “hey” and he doesn’t want to be one of those guys. Extra points if this is actually the case; you may never know, but in its own way he’s showing you respect right out of the gate by putting in the effort to get it right.
Plus, no matter how perfect his first message is, if he sends it and then doesn’t have time to respond, how does that look? You may feel like you’ve been mini-ghosted and wonder what went wrong. No one likes to be left on seen, so he’s being a good guy if he’s waiting until his schedule gives him time for a proper back and forth conversation.
It may not matter how good his opening line might be. Rejection is a bummer for anyone, even just a mini rejection like an unreturned message or like. He may be getting up the nerve to say hello, but wants to make sure he’s got an opener that catches your attention.
He also may not know you know he’s looking. While some of us know all the social tricks and can reverse engineer a path to a stranger’s Insta in five minutes flat, there are plenty of people who don’t dig deep the same way you and your friends do. While the reasons why someone wants to keep looking at your profile vary, if they knew you were looking it’s very possible they’d look less often.
He’s hoping you’ll be the first to reach out
On the other hand, plenty of guys know how online dating works, and they know you probably know, too. They may be trying to subtly signal that they’re interested, but they’re hoping you’ll make the first move. It’s sweet in its way.
On the other hand, it means that their very first move is to ask you to do the heavy lifting, so be aware that this could be a facet of their personality. It doesn’t mean it is; obviously you don’t know (if you knew their motivation, you wouldn’t be reading this). But it’s worth noting.
He’s just a creep
Sometimes men are just gross. Sometimes people are just gross, but…well…sometimes dudes are more so. He may think you’re good looking and not want to actually get to know you. Not cool, but a very real part of online dating.
Unfortunately, sorting out who’s nice and who is a creep is literally what online dating is. The only real tip-off you might have in this scenario is if they look at your profile at odd hours of the night. Then again, they may just have insomnia.
The good news is that in this scenario — or any scenario — is that if seeing them constantly looking at your profile makes you uncomfortable, you can block them at any time. One click and they’re gone.
Poof. Blocking someone means that they’ll lose access to your profile, but also that you won’t be able to look at their profile or contact them, either. If they’re a guy that fits into one of the other scenarios above, you’ll be missing out. Your only chance to find out otherwise would be to make a move first and see how they react.
But if you have an inkling that they may not be the man of your dreams, it’s probably better to go with your gut and just block them. You’ll find the person you’re meant to meet eventually.