Even the best relationships could stand for a bit of an opportunity to mix things up. Your day to day may be great. You’ve got stress-free jobs, good friendships, rewarding hobbies, and plenty of quality time for one another.
So why do things suddenly feel so flat? The culprit is usually routine. Doing the same thing day in and day out can take the excitement out of things, especially in your personal life. So how do you spice things up behind closed doors? Here are five hints for spicing things up in the bedroom and beyond.
Try a Change of Scenery
You don’t have to clear out your savings for an upscale cruise or Caribbean vacation to give you and your partner a change of pace. While a full-on luxury pampering never hurts, there are budget-conscious ways to get away, too. Even a tourist trap a few miles away may do the trick.
Find a nice hotel or bed and breakfast, and take a night or two to yourselves, free of the obligations of your daily life. You may find that lack of inhibitions translates to the bedroom. If you’re surrounded by strangers and your head isn’t drowning in to-do lists, you may relax enough to get into the groove and let loose a little bit.
Honestly? For some people, the knowledge that you’re not responsible for washing the towels and making the bed the next morning can be enough to get one or both of you excited.
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
It might not sound particularly spicy, but just a bit of time away from one another may do the trick. There’s no need to send one of you away in exile. A business trip that takes one of you out of town, or a short solo vacation for one of you to recharge, may remind you each of how much you miss each other when you’re away, and that could translate into making up for lost time in the bedroom.
Take A Class Together
Stifle that yawn. Sure, you can do things like take ballroom dancing classes or cooking classes—both are very hands on and tactile, and may spice things up both literally and figuratively. The mind can be a person’s most active erogenous zone. Using your brain may get one of you excited, if not both of you. If not, don’t worry. There are other types of classes you may not have considered — ones that address your foals more directly.
There are classes specifically geared toward couples that may do wonders for your sex life. For example, see if your city offers yoga classes designed specifically for romantic partners. These classes will teach you movements and enhance flexibility that may be very beneficial for your sex life. If you’re not comfortable doing this in a class with others, there are coaches and trainers who will work one on one with a couple as well.
Some life coaches even offer classes geared toward improving sexual communication between couples, which is step one to good sex. Depending on how in-depth the instruction is, you may come away with brand-new techniques to try in the bedroom, or maybe even entirely new ways to think about what sex means to you.
Explore a New Scene
Depending on how adventurous you’d like to get, there are plenty of groups with specific sexual interests you might like to explore. While this might be one of the most rewarding ways to spice up your sex life, it’s also the one that requires the most planning, learning, work, and trust.
We won’t get into them here, but there are sexual niches for every kink under the sun. Consequently, there are groups that celebrate those niches and often welcome others to join in the fun. Anything that goes on between consenting adults is a possibility.
If you plan on getting involved in any kind of group activity, research it first. It’s fine to be curious and then change your mind — consent always allows for you to change your mind — but it’s always smart to know what you’re getting into. While many groups are understandably secretive about membership and location, enough searching on the right local sites will put you in touch with people who may invite you to join in.
Likewise, you should be able to do enough research online in advance to vet the specific groups you’re considering. While not every kink group in a city has its own version of Yelp, there will definitely be whisperings online about who’s welcoming, who practices safe sex and respects anonymity, and who to avoid. You’ll have to dig — it’s not likely to be a discussion thread on Nextdoor — but the information is out there.
…Or Experiment at Home
If you and your significant other aren’t up for spicing things up quite that much, there are plenty of fun, lighthearted ways to explore, too. While the often encouraged watching explicit videos together may not be up your alley, there are games and toys that can make for a spicy mood, too.
Look for a set with dice or cards where each partner takes a turn and performs the act the card or die suggests. This could be anything from gentle kissing to something significantly more intimate. These games can be incredibly fun and may help you lower your inhibitions, but remember: it’s just a game.
Nothing is written in stone, and no one should participate in an activity that makes them uncomfortable or is otherwise unenjoyable. Fun is the name of the game.
We’ve given you five options for how to spice things up in the bedroom. You may find that not every one of them is for you. That’s actually a good thing! Exploring what turns you on and what doesn’t is a big part of spicing things up! The more you learn about yourself and your partner, the more satisfying your sex life will be. Enjoy it!