If you’re a romantic who believes fairy tales are real, you have a choice to make. You can read this blog and be enlightened to the truth of the dating world, or you can shut off your computer immediately and continue living in your fantasy world!
We never like being the bearers of “bad” news, but today that’s the straw we drew. We put bad in quotes because this information might seem bad on the surface but it’s actually going to help you have a much more successful experience dating online.
We’re not going to sugarcoat it. Mr. or Ms. Perfect does not exist. That perfect fairytale mate that you’re searching for is not real. The person that checks off all 200 things on your love checklist is a figment of your imagination. Now, before you start crying and ruin your computer, here’s a message of hope. Mr. or Ms. Perfect FOR YOU does exist.
Those two words make a HUGE difference. Let’s explain what we mean.
Perfect or Perfect FOR YOU
Someone who is perfect has nothing wrong with them. They are flawless, they don’t make mistakes, and everything they do is perfection. Do you know anyone like that? Probably not. You probably know a few people that think they’re like that, but we all know they aren’t. This is what we mean when we say that perfect singles don’t exist. Everyone has their flaws.
Now, when we talk about someone who is perfect FOR YOU, we aren’t talking about someone who is flawless. We’re talking about someone who makes mistakes. We’re talking about someone who doesn’t do everything perfectly and doesn’t have everything together. We’re talking about a real person. This real person can be perfect for you, though.
Their flaws could be things you like or are ok with it. Their mistakes and things they struggle with could be things that you excel at. True love involves finding someone who you can accept their flaws and mistakes and understand that it makes them who they are.
Your goal with dating should be finding someone that is perfect for you. They might not be perfect on paper when you break them down into individual parts, but as a whole, they are the perfect package for you.
Why This is Important
This shouldn’t be something that you just nod and say, “Ok, that’s cool. Makes sense.” This needs to be something that you take to heart and allow to change your whole outlook during the dating process. If you’re still looking for perfect and not perfect for you, you’re going to set yourself up for a lot of disappointment. We can say with 100% certainty that if you don’t change this outlook, you’re going to end up being let down by 100% of the people that you meet or go on dates with.
On top of that, you’re probably going to dismiss some matches that may be someone special. You could meet the perfect person for you and dismiss them because they aren’t perfect on paper. We don’t think we have to tell you how terrible this would be.
Approaching dating with the wrong mindset can set your whole experience up for failure. You need to come out of the gate with your head on straight and know what you’re looking for. It may sound like we’re beating a dead horse here, but this is that important.
How to Avoid Doing This
The solution to avoid falling into this trap is fairly simple. When evaluating potential matches, you need to look at the complete package. The less you dial in on little flaws, the more you’ll be able to see the bigger picture. You also need to realize that we’re not living in a fairy tale but we’re living in the real world. Perfect people and perfect stories only happen in the movies. In the real world, things are…well, real.
Now, we’re not saying that you should neglect to look at people’s flaws. There are going to be some flaws that are important to look at and are going to be deal breakers. If you don’t want to date someone who smokes and you start chatting with someone who smokes and has no plans of quitting, we don’t want you to look past that. Knowing what is important to you, what you can flex on, and what is a deal breaker will help a long way in the process.
When is the time to figure all of that out? BEFORE you start dating online. If you are already dating and haven’t figured this stuff out, that’s ok. But, we recommend taking some time right now and figuring it all out.
The reason you want to try and handle it before you get started is that if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. This means that you’ll find yourself compromising on things because “they’re that cute” or “they’re that hot” and end up putting yourself deep in a bad situation.
The Bottom Line
We know we’ve been hammering the same point a lot in this blog, but we’re only doing it because it’s that important. We would hate for you to miss out on someone special because your standards are irrational and not realistic. On the flip side, we would hate to see you take this tip too far and not stand your ground on something that should be a deal breaker for you.
Basically, realize that people are not perfect and that that is ok. Remember, you’re probably not perfect and have your flaws and would probably hope that someone you meet will accept you for who you are. Realize that there is no one that is perfect but there is someone out there that is perfect for you. As long as you set your goal on finding that person, you’re going to be just fine.
Written By: Jason Lee
Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.
His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, NBC, FOX, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.