If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, we’ve got you. In this post, we’re going to look at dating after a breakup, what to expect, and what is okay.
Step 1…Breathe. If you’ve got a good support system, you’ve already heard this, but we’re going to say it again just in case. Everything is going to be ok. The world will keep turning. You will be happy again. And most importantly, you will find the right person for you.
If you’ve found your way to this blog, you may have just gone through a breakup, or you may have a friend who is that you’re trying to figure out how to help. What we’re going to try and do in this blog post is outline a few of the important things that you need to remember if you’re considering hopping online to date and move on with your life. We know that everyone’s situation is going to be different, but these tips should help.
Don’t Rush Things – Dating Immediately After a Breakup
We applaud the fact that you want to get moved on with your life quickly, but you need to make sure that you’re ready. If you try and move on too quickly without properly dealing with things, you may end up souring a future relationships that could have been something awesome.
If you were the one who broke up with someone else, chances are that you’ve been thinking about and dealing with this long before you cut the cord. If that’s the case, you’re most likely going to be ready to get back out there a lot sooner than the person you split up with or someone who had to cut the cord unexpectedly (due to cheating or something like that). Dating immediately after a breakup is much easier for the person whose idea it was.
If you’re the one who was broken up with, you have to allow yourself time to heal. It can be tempting to try and fill that hole in your heart as quickly as possible, but that’s not fair to you and to the future people that you might date.
Give yourself some time to heal and process what happened. Honestly, we can’t say how long this will be because it’s going to be different for everyone. Just make sure that before you click that computer on, you take the time to make sure you’re ok first.
Don’t Look for a Replacement
You have to realize that the last person you dated is no longer there. While you can remember the good parts about them to help you gauge new matches, you can’t force every new match to try and be that man or woman. You have to realize that everyone else you’re going to meet now will be a new person with their own strengths and weaknesses.
Too often after a breakup, people tend to have a rigid checklist of what they want, and it tends to be the exact person they split up with.
Allow your mind to be open and realize things are going to be different. This does not mean you should compromise and settle on any of your deal breakers or what’s important to you. It just means that you need to be open to meeting new people and letting them be their own person.
Take Your Time
If there is one universal tip that we can give you that supersedes all the rest, it would be this one. Take your time. There is no rush for you to find a new significant other when you’re dating after a breakup. In fact, breakups and some time alone can be extremely helpful for you to get to know the number one person in your life (yourself) a lot better.
When you do decide to start dating again, online dating is great, but you have to be careful that you don’t rush into things too quickly. Online dating is designed to make the whole process more efficient which means that it’s going to go quicker than it does in person or maybe the last time you were single. This is a great thing but can be an issue if you let it get out of control.
Remember, turtle speed is much better than rabbit speed. The matches you meet should be patient and ok with taking your time. If you need to go too slowly, though, it might be because you aren’t ready to get back out there. Make sure that you are honest with yourself and willing to admit that you may need to take a bigger step back.
In The End…
…It will all be ok. Seriously. You may think that we’re just saying that to try and make you feel better, but it’s the truth. There are plenty of quality singles out there just waiting to meet you, and they will still be there if it takes you weeks, months, or even years to be ready to get back out there. We wish you the best of luck, and we know that you’re going to be ok. Keep your head up, follow our tips, and you’ll be back to happy in no time.
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Written By: Jason Lee
Jason Lee is a journalist and data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.
His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.