You wake up in the morning excited to check your eHarmony inbox to find that cutie didn’t write you back, or even worse, they decided to cancel your first date plans. Ouch! What happened? Why did they lose interest?
We’re all familiar with that classic breakup line, “It’s not you, it’s me,” well, we are here to let you know that it may in fact be you, not them. Let’s dig deeper into what may have happened and what you may have done to make them run for the hills.
Sending Too Many Messages
This is the classic tell tale sign for someone losing interest in pursuing an online dating match with someone they were chatting with regularly. Perhaps they trusted you enough to give you their phone number, and then you went and sent way too many one-liner text messages in a 15-minute time frame. Did you do that? Come on, you can tell us?
Sending too many messages or text messages can be over-kill. A good rule of thumb is to follow the other person’s lead by matching their effort. If they are responding to you relatively quickly, then you should match that effort. If they are messaging you every few hours, then try to match this effort, etc. You should give whatever level of messaging effort that they are giving to you in return.
Sending Too Many Pics
Sending a picture of two either by text message or via the online dating website you met on is a good starting point. Sending too many pictures can come across a bit strange to the person on the receiving end, especially if they didn’t ask for them. Also, be weary of anyone who asks for a ton of photos as well.
Also, be mindful of the type of pictures you send to your online dating match. If you sent them a bunch of pictures of you out at the club, this may be a turn off to them. If you sent them nude pictures, well there may be a date, but it won’t ever turn into a relationship… at least not one that lasts more than one night.
If you are not responding to an online dating match, then they will assume you are ignoring them or are not interested. For anyone whom you are genuinely interested in, be sure to get back to them in a timely fashion. If you had some extenuating circumstance, like your dog needing emergency surgery and round the clock care, then explain this to the person and it should be more than acceptable.
We want to clarify that we are not referring to the loads of random people who have sent you messages and you are not interested in them. We are only referring to online dating matches whom you have had multiple conversations with. Suddenly becoming unresponsive to these matches messages will be a red flag for them and cause this online dating match to lose interest in you.
Stalking Them Online
Sure, we all Google. However, there is a big difference between Googling someone and stalking them online to find out whatever you can about them. If you are contemplating whether or not you should pay that company for a background check based upon a mobile number you have for this person, then you have definitely crossed the line. Put down your credit card and walk away!
It can be scary getting to know someone for the first time. You want to know up front if they have any skeletons in their closet before you become emotionally invested in them. We want to make sure you always put your safety first, but don’t go crazy. Try the old-fashioned method of getting to know them organically through conversation over time. Google them, and stop there.
The Bottom Line
In conclusion, the important thing to remember that with online dating you make a first impression before you ever meet in person. Your online dating match may be turned off by more aggressive behaviors.
Be yourself, and give your match the space, grace, and time to be themselves as well. If you are meant to meet and see where things will lead then you will. And if it doesn’t work out, there are tons of great dating apps that can help you find someone special.
Written By: Jason Lee
Jason Lee is a journalist and data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.
His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.