Warning!!! This is a misleading title! We figured we’d let you know that this blog post is going to be going a different direction that the title leads on to. We don’t want to be found guilty of the internet crime of click-bait, so we wanted to let you know.
We’re not going to be talking about men coming on too strong when they are dating online. Why? Because most men don’t have this problem. As men, our biggest problem is usually not showing out emotions enough to someone that we’re interested in.
In this post, we’re going to talk about how you can make sure that you’re coming on strong enough, not the other way around. The best dating apps for men can only do so much to help you find that special lady.
The only reason we left the title the same is that the ladies would be upset since we told them last week in our Ladies, Don’t Come On Too Strong post that we would be giving the men hell too. We would recommend flipping through that post if you’re curious about what we said to the ladies or if you happen to be the rare man who is having issues with coming on too strong. The information works for both sexes so you’ll get quite a bit out of it if you’re struggling with this.
For the rest of you, let’s talk about why you need to make sure that you’re coming on strong enough when it comes to dating and online dating.
Why We Don’t Come On Strong
The key to solving this issue is understanding why it is an issue in the first place. Women like to know how we feel. As men, we sometimes are not the best at sharing our feelings and emotions. Through media and possibly our upbringings, we’ve been trained to be tough and keep a gritty exterior that’s not stained with feelings and foofy stuff like that.
This creates a problem in the dating world. If women want to know what we’re feeling and what is going on inside of our head and our heart, we need to learn to oblige that. Otherwise, women are going to assume that we’re not interested and move on to another guy who gives them what it is they are looking for.
There can be a healthy balance of sharing your feelings and still keep your gritty image that society has taught us we need to protect. We are going to talk about that next.
It’s Okay to Share Your Feelings
If we weren’t forced to be professional here, we would be raising a strong middle finger to society for training men that they aren’t allowed to share their emotions. This is an outdated thought process that is creating a lot of issues for men when it comes to relationships and dating.
Here’s the truth. It is completely okay for a manly man to share his feelings and emotions. In fact, we personally think that it is MORE manly to be able to do that. It shows you are comfortable enough in your masculinity, to be honest with yourself and with people that you are dating.
For the record, this is not coming from some foofy male who rolls around in rose gardens. This is coming from a military man who loves to lift weights, get dirty, and watch sports. While it can be argued whether or not those things really make you a man, by society’s standards, all the boxes are checked off.
It is okay to share your feelings. The quicker that you can get that through your tough exterior, the quicker you’re going to see some real success in your dating life.
How Do We Get Started Doing This
We’re going to do our best to keep this simple. When you like someone, tell them. When someone makes you feel special, tell them. If you have feelings that you think a woman would like to know, share them with her. You don’t have to be a constant gushing source of emotion, but it is nice to occasionally share how you are feeling with a woman that you are interested in.
Trust us, they are going to respond well. It doesn’t even have to be articulated eloquently or sound like a Hallmark greeting card. Here are some examples of how easy it is to share this stuff with a woman. Feel free to take these exact phrases and commit them to your arsenal.
“I really enjoy spending time with you.”
“It’s rare to meet a woman as down to Earth as you are. I like that.”
“I’m really starting to like you.”
“I love how open you are about how you’re feeling. It makes me feel very comfortable.”
These are just a few examples. What we want you to see is how easy these are to say. We aren’t recommending that you say, “Oh, how doth I love to spend time you, the beauty of the West, the gem of my eye.” Booooooo! None of that crap. Just tell her how you’re feeling and periodically let her know that you’re enjoying her and enjoying your time with her.
Don’t over complicate this. When you do that, you start to sound silly and like you’re trying too hard. If you have a feeling about something, confidently share it with her. Yes, you can share this stuff via text message, but if you really want to earn some brownie points, look her in the eyes and tell her this stuff to her face. Report back on how things go!
Written By: Jason Lee
Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.
His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.