For Christian singles looking for love…how do we put this nicely…it can be tough. If you’re relying on the traditional bar scene or setups from your friends, you know what we’re talking about. Sometimes it can be easy to find nice people, but it gets a lot more challenging when you’re trying to find someone who has the same religious views as you.
It goes a step further, though. Not only does it make it tougher trying to find someone who identifies as the same religion as you, but then you have to find out where they stand on the important faith-based issues.
Premarital sex, abortion, church attendance, alcohol, drugs…we could go on forever with this list. The point is that there are going to be issues that you may have different viewpoints on.
If you’re Catholic, there are even more issues that can arise when you’re dating with how you interpret the teachings of the church. Curious what we mean? Check out our Catholic singles guide for a breakdown of all of these issues.
So why are we telling you all of this? You already knew all of this, right? The reason we’re telling you this is that if you don’t decide where you stand on these issues BEFORE you start dating (in person or online), you’re going to be setting yourself up for failure.
Why This is Important
There’s a great quote that says if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. This couldn’t be truer for online dating. Here’s how the situation usually plays out. You get ready to start dating and know that you only want to date another Christian. You know that you’re looking for that special someone who you’ll hopefully marry one day and you want them to share the same religious beliefs.
You get online, and you start out by messaging other singles that match your criteria. Then you get a message. It’s a creative, well-crafted message from a really handsome guy or a beautiful woman. You check out their profile, and they have their life together, share some of the same hobbies as you, and they seem witty and funny. But then you look at their religious preference, and it says “non-religious.”
What do you do? Well, it all depends on how firmly you’re rooted in what’s important to you. When you started searching for singles online, you were sure that you only wanted to date someone that shared the same Christian views as you. But now you’ve gotten a message from someone who seems beyond perfect except for that one little thing.
This is the risk you run if you’re not honest with yourself before you start dating online or dating at all. You HAVE to know what’s a want for you and what is a need. You need to be honest with yourself about what is and what is not a deal breaker. If you don’t do this, you’re going to be susceptible to falling for Mr. Almost Right or Ms. Almost Perfect.
How Do You Protect Yourself
The key here is pen and paper. Get a piece of paper and a pen and get ready to make your dating experience much more successful. The first thing you need to do is write down the things that are important to you in a potential mate. Don’t worry about how important the things are. If it’s something serious, write it down. If it’s something that’s not that important, write it down. The idea is that you want a complete list of all of your wants and needs for your future hubby or wifey.
The next step is the important one. If you aren’t honest and decisive during this step, you’re going to leave yourself susceptible. You need to go through your list one item at a time and figure out which factors are deal breakers. Which of these factors do you refuse to waiver on? Which ones are so important that you 100% have to have them?
Once you figure out which criterion fall into this category, make yourself a new list of just those things. This is your deal breaker list. No matter how perfect someone is, you need to avoid even chatting with someone online or in person in a romantic sense if they don’t meet everything on this list. The reason you’re doing this BEFORE you start searching for that someone special is so that you aren’t skewed to settle on something that is actually important to you.
The last thing you have to do is be strong enough to stick to your guns. You HAVE to realize that you made this list of things that are important to you. Just because you come across some near-perfect singles does not mean that these things have become any less important. The more you can drive that home into your brain and your heart now, the more success you’re going to have dating and finding that special someone.
While we framed this tip as one for Christian singles, it’s actually important for anyone dating or dating online regardless of their religious preference or lack thereof. The bottom line is that you need to know what is important to you and what you’re willing to be patient for.
Know the difference between a want and a need. A want is just something that you would like to have in a potential mate. A need is something that you have to have and should not waiver on. These are your deal breakers, and you need to make sure that you treat them as deal breakers.
Great Resources for Christian Singles
- If you’re ready to meet quality, faith-focused singles, you may want to look at some of the best dating apps for Christians.
- Are you considering dating someone religious when you’re not? We’ve created that guide to help you (or the person you’re dating) to try and make things work.
Written By: Jason Lee
Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.
His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.