How to Talk to Women Online…Properly

Pretty girl

“Aye, mama. Let me get that booty right quick.” Insert STRONG eye roll right about now. Men, if you’re struggling to have some success with the ladies online, it may be because you’re not talking to them properly.

While each woman you speak with is going to have a different style of conversation they prefer, there are a few cardinal rules that you can follow to help you have a lot more success dating.

In this blog, we’re going to walk you through the things you need to know, and you need to do when talking with women online. That is, if you actually want to have some success and get some dates with quality women.

Be Respectful

We’re not trying to sound like your mother here, but this needs to be said. Women like men who are respectful when they talk to them. This means that you should speak to them the same way that you would talk to a clerk in the store or the teller at the bank. Yes, the topics of discussion will be different, but the level of respect needs to be the same. That is, of course, unless you’re a terrible person who loves to berate the store clerk and scream obscenities at the bank teller.

Yes, you can be more playful and make more jokes, but you need to ease into that. As per sexual discussion, it has a time, and a place and that is almost never right when you start talking with someone. Your opening remarks and conversations should have nothing to do with sex or involve dirty jokes. Sure, there is a time and a place for all of that, but we say again, that is not right when you start talking with a new dating match.

Give a woman respect, and she’ll be much more open to getting to know you and feel much more comfortable with possibly meeting up with you. If you open your conversation by telling her how great her butt is and how you want to get freaky, 99.9% of women are going to block you, and you’ll never get to see that booty in real life.

Be Confident

Women like men who are confident. Women do not like men who are cocky. The quicker that you learn the difference, the quicker you’re going to have a lot of success dating online. Let’s look at an example of the difference. Let’s say that you are a professional cow milker and you want to share with a potential dating match that you’re very good at your job.

The cocky way of saying this would be, “I am a professional cow milker. I’m pretty much the greatest cow milker in all of the US. I’ve won every cow milking award there is.” This is NOT how you want to present yourself. You sound full of yourself, and even though you might think it is doing you good, it’s not. Here’s the better and more tactful way of saying this. “I am a professional cow milker. I’ve been doing it for years and have found quite a bit of success in the industry.” You’re saying the same thing, but you’re not rubbing it in over and over again on how great you are.

For the record, we have no idea if professional cow milking is a real profession or not, but it seemed fun for our example.

The bottom line is to be proud of the things you’ve done, but don’t rub them in a girl’s face to try and impress her. Confident people don’t require the validation of other people. When you’re online dating, though, it can be a fine line because you want to tell the person all about you, but you don’t want to do it in a way that makes you seem desperate or in need of validation or their approval.

Be Yourself

The final thing we want to mention about how to talk to women online properly is to be yourself. Don’t try and be someone who you are not or put on an online persona. Eventually, you’re going to meet this girl in person, and she’ll find out that you’re not who you were pretending to be. This is not going to end up well for you.

If you’re a funny person, be funny. If you’re not really a funny person, don’t try and force jokes. If you’re nerdy and like to talk about nerdy things, then talk about nerdy things. If she’s not a fan of it, then she’s probably not going to be a good dating match for you anyways. The best dating apps for men have so many single women from all walks of life. There’s no reason to force anything.

By being yourself, you help to weed out the people that aren’t a great match for you and invite in the women that you do mesh well with. Being yourself in your online communication sets you up for an easy transition to meeting someone in real life and hopefully developing a relationship.

Photo of author

Author: Healthy Framework Team

The Healthy Framework team has a combined 50+ years of experience in the online dating industry. Collectively, the team has reviewed over 300 dating apps and is known as one of the leaders in the relationship advice and information space. The team's work has been featured on Zoosk, Tinder, The Economist, People Magazine, Parade, Women's Health, Her Campus, Fox, and more.