How to Find Love – Options That Actually Work

Who doesn’t dream of a fairytale romance? Finding someone that makes your heart beat faster is a tall order no matter where you are in life. And no matter how hard we try to look for love, there’s the rest of day to day life to contend with: work, bills, errands. We all wish that special someone would just fall from the heavens, but we all know it’s not that simple.

It can even feel like work—putting in time only to discover that you’re not meeting the types of people you’d hoped to. On top of that, priorities change! While you may start your search looking for a partner in crime, your priorities might change in the blink of an eye as you suddenly decide you’re more interested in settling down.

And while there’s no math or science that can truly find you the love of your life, we’ve got a few tips that will actually help you find the person for you.

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Use Dating Apps And Websites To Their Fullest

There are millions upon millions of people on thousands of dating sites. There is no way in the world you could possibly fully read every profile on even just a single site. Can you imagine nonstop profile scanning, even just for a day?

Luckily, every app and site has its own set of filters to help you narrow down your search. From location and demographics to pets and hobbies, you’ll want to make full use of search functions.

Filter for the important things, but don’t set your sights so narrow that you miss out on meeting a wonderful person just because they were an inch taller than your dream date. Go into the process with a clear idea of who you’d like to meet, but keep your options open.

You could set your preferences so narrowly that your list of “candidates” is made up of a dozen people or less, but that wouldn’t guarantee that any of those people would be your dream date.

When you think of who you’d like to meet, it’s helpful to break things up into categories: Must haves, Nice to haves and Dealbreakers are worth thinking about. While it’s actually tougher to filter out your Dealbreakers than it is to find your Must Haves, it’s not impossible.

There are often visual cues in photos that—while not foolproof—will help you suss out who makes the grade. Your visual dealbreakers may be car or bathroom selfies, torso-only pics, or pics with fun filters—a set of digital cat ears and whiskers may show off a playful side, but could also send the message that the person is far more invested in social media than you are.

There’s a special someone out there for everyone, though, and it may not be long before your find your soul mate. We’d recommend checking out some of the best dating sites for love to see what may be out there.

Faster First Impressions — Try Speed Dating.

It sounds gimmicky, but speed dating has its plusses. First impressions go a long way, and getting several first impressions out of the way in one evening is a good way to test the waters and get a sense of what you’re really looking for in real-world settings. In a series of five-minute spans, you’ll get a sense of physical attraction, etiquette, hobbies, and general vibes from a dozen or more people.

Not bad for a night away from your usual post-work routine. Some dating sites and dating apps even organize some of these in-person events. You might raise an eyebrow, but give it a shot. Try something new and you might be surprised!

Stop Looking — Yes, Really!

We don’t actually mean that you should put aside your search for love. We had you worried there for a second, didn’t we? Never fear—we really are here to help you find the love of your life. But if dating starts to feel like a chore, you’re doing it wrong.

Stop dating for the sake of dating. What starts out as the thrill of the hunt can quickly turn into an exhausting slog, and the tingle of anticipation you get from a new dinner date invitation can morph into a “might as well” sigh.

The energy you project into your dating efforts influences who you meet. Feel free to keep scrolling through profiles, but rest your eyes every now and then. Turn down dates with people that don’t excite you. “You never know” is actually a time-wasting strategy.

Take some time away from the screen every now and then, and focus on refreshing yourself with some exercise, a good book, or a visit with friends. You’ll be surprised how much it will change your outlook when you log back on!

Ask Your Friends For Their Opinions

Again — yes, really! You’ve likely been set up on awful blind dates by well-meaning friends: the kinds of dates where you wonder if your friends know you at all. You don’t have to go on any more of those bad dates, but listen to your friends’ dating advice.

This isn’t the same as taking your friends’ dating advice. Sure, sometimes you’ll want to pay close attention to your friends’ opinions, but it can be equally valuable to listen to their outright bad ideas and do exactly the opposite of what they suggest. Just don’t mention to them that you’re interviewing them for your What Not To Do list.

One Word: Trust

As mentioned, it can feel like falling in love is impossible. It’s definitely not easy, and it’s likely to take a little time. But it’s worth it. And you are worth it! Be realistic about who you might meet, but don’t settle.

Being single is far better than ending up stuck in an incompatible relationship, especially if something unexpected happens and you meet someone who fits the bill while you’re already coupled up. The more you know about yourself, the more you’ll learn about who might complement you best. Trust in yourself and know that true love is worth the wait.

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Author: Healthy Framework Team

The Healthy Framework team has a combined 50+ years of experience in the online dating industry. Collectively, the team has reviewed over 300 dating apps and is known as one of the leaders in the relationship advice and information space. The team's work has been featured on Zoosk, Tinder, The Economist, People Magazine, Parade, Women's Health, Her Campus, Fox, and more.