By: Jason Lee
For most of us, just the thought of asking a girl on a date is terrifying. Chance are high that if you take a second right now and imagine yourself asking a girl out, you’re going to get those butterflies going crazy in your stomach.
And guess what? That’s totally okay! It’s natural. Even the most suave of guys who seem to crush it when it comes to dating still get those nervous feelings. What they currently have over you, though, is that they know how to ask a girl on a date. They know the secrets, tips, and tricks that drive their success rate through the roof, which can lower stress altogether.
Wanna be like them and know exactly how to ask a girl on a date? Stick around because school is in session.
In this guide, we’re going to look at:
The Easiest Way to Ask a Girl Out
While we’re strong advocates for pushing yourself and mastering your fears, there’s nothing wrong with simplifying the process and making things easier. What are we talking about? Well, asking a girl out in person is hard. You have to get the courage to walk up to her, find the perfect moment, deliver the right words in the moment confidently, and then wait for your fate.
You know what can make all of that a lot easier? Using online dating. When you go to ask a girl out through online dating, you just have to type a message. You can take as long as you want to perfect that message, ask a friend for help if needed, and you aren’t right in front of them on display to wait for the results.
Call this a cheat code, the easy way, or whatever you want—but make sure you call it the genius way to make asking a girl out simple. If you haven’t tried online dating yet, here are a few of our favorite dating apps that you can try now (with free trials) to simplify this entire process.
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Why Your Mindset is Everything
The reason that asking a girl out is so hard is because it makes you vulnerable. The answer to the question is 100% out of your control. And to have success, you have to put yourself out there emotionally.
Here’s the mindset adjustment you HAVE to make before we get into the step-by-step instructions of how to ask a girl out.
You have to realize that 90% of the time her answer is a ‘no’, it has nothing to do with you. When we ask girls out and they say yes, we can certainly take credit that it’s because we’re doing something right. And logic would then say that when they say no, it’s also because of us, right?
Wrong. Most of the time that girls say ‘no’ when you ask them out—it has nothing to do with you. Here are just a few of the reasons a girl might say no to you that have nothing to do with you.
- She has a bf or is already seeing someone.
- She just got out of a relationship and isn’t interested in dating.
- She doesn’t live in the city or is moving soon.
- She’s just having a bad day.
- She is super busy and doesn’t have the time right now to date.
- You caught her off guard and she’s pre-conditioned to say no.
- She has something else on her mind and doesn’t actually process your question.
- One of her friends likes you already.
ALL of these are popular reasons that a girl will say no to a date with you. And you know what? They’re not going to share the reason they said no with you. They’re just going to say no, and you’ll be left to wonder why not.
Here’s the adjustment you have to work on. You can’t take a ‘no’ answer personally. Stop viewing it as a rejection. It’s nothing more than a girl saying she doesn’t want to go out with you. She’s not saying there’s anything wrong with you or heck, she’s not even saying she’s not attracted to you! All she’s saying is that for one reason or another, she doesn’t want to go out.
And you know what? The majority of the time, that reason is something that has nothing to do with you.
Once you’re able to stop taking a ‘no’ personally (notice we never call it a rejection), it makes asking another girl out in the future easier.
Do you think when you say to a salesman you don’t want to buy something they turn around and start thinking, “Oh man, this person hates me. What’s wrong with me?” No! They think, “Welp, must not be the right product for them or they’re not ready to buy,” and they move onto the next potential buyer.
That’s the mindset you need when it comes to asking girls out on dates.
Exactly What to Say When Asking a Girl on a Date
Now that you’ve got the right mindset, it’s time to talk about how to ask a girl out on a date. There are about a million ways that you can go about this. But what we’re going to do is keep it simple. We’ll give you the formula for the easiest way to ask a girl out (outside of online dating) and then give you some real examples you can use.
Here’s the formula:
Something that leads into the topic + “would you like to go __________ ?”
Simple? Yes. Effective? Absolutely. Let’s start with a few examples of how to ask a girl out and then break them down.
Examples of How to Ask a Girl Out
- “I feel like you’re a lot of fun to hang out with. Would you like to grab drinks or dinner sometime next week?”
- “I didn’t know you were into country music! You want to check out this new band I’m going to see Friday night with me?”
- “I’m really enjoying talking with you. Would you like to grab coffee sometime this weekend?”
The “something that leads into the topic” can be anything that makes a natural segue into asking them out on a date. It would be weird if you were talking about something else and just cut right to the chase. “I need to get those TPS reports from you. Would you like to get drinks after work tonight?”
See how that could catch them off guard? Even if they are interested in going out with you, they might say no just because they’re confused, off-guard, and panic. Use a natural segue to tip off what’s about to come.
Things you can use are:
- Smaller compliments – You’re a lot of fun (right) vs. you’re the most beautiful women on the planet (wrong)
- Common interests – Draw attention to something you have in common, especially if it leads into something that you could do together around that interest
- Flirty assumptions – Something like “I feel like we might get along great” or “I wonder if we’d have even more fun hanging out solo” is a nice lead in.
And then for the second part, ask them out! Don’t beat around the bush or try and downplay what you’re doing. Be confident, direct, but not too forward. Yes, this is a bit of a fine line, but if you keep it simple, you’re fine.
Here are some examples of what you can do:
- Ask in general – If you don’t have anything in mind but just want to ask them out, say something like “Would you like to grab some coffee sometime?”
- Ask in general for a specific time – What’s a bit better is to put a potential time that you might want to go out. Don’t be too specific, but a general idea can help. “Would you like to grab a drink sometime this weekend?” Be prepared to be flexible if they’re not available then.
- Ask for a specific event – If you have a specific event in mind you want to take them to, that’s awesome! You can say something as simple as, “Hey! I’m going to see such and such band play this Friday and have an extra ticket. Would you like to join me?” It’s really that easy. The only drawback to this is that if they’re busy and have to say no, it might feel awkward to ask them out again (because they might still be interested).
Tips to Increase Your Success of Landing a Date
While the answer to how to ask a girl out on a date is simple, the success is found in the details. By zeroing in on the particulars, you can set yourself up for success. It won’t change a girl’s mind who isn’t interested, but it will give you better odds overall, especially with a girl who might be on the fence about it.
- Confidence is key – You’ve probably heard this a million times, and that’s because it’s great advice. If you go to ask a girl out and you look nervous and like you’re expecting a no, then you’re probably going to get one. Act the part, even if you’re nervous. Don’t be cocky, but be confident, and don’t put her up on a pedestal like a girl out of your league. Eye contact, shoulders back, confident tone in your voice, smile with excitement—and you’ll be just fine.
- Have contingencies planned – If you’re asking her out for a specific event or time frame, be prepared for her to be busy. If she says flat-out no and she’s not interested, just move on to the next one. But if she just says she’s busy, be prepared to come with a second option. And even if you don’t have one, you could just say, “Is there a time coming up that works for you?” Just don’t walk away if she says she’s busy during the time or event you suggested because that might not be a no altogether.
- Choose the right time – Don’t ask her out publicly in front of friends, family, or coworkers. This is unfair. If it’s just the two of you talking, go for it. But if you’re having trouble naturally finding some time alone, just say something like, “Hey you got a second?” and then motion a little away from the group. You don’t have to go to another room or anything weird like that, but just far enough away that she can feel comfortable saying yes or no without people watching.
- Don’t get mad if she says no – Remember how we mentioned that a girl might say no for reasons that don’t involve you? Well, let’s say she’s just having a bad day and says no, but tomorrow she’s having a good day and rethinks her answer. That could be huge for you, as long as you didn’t get mad and embarrass yourself. Also, she has the right to say yes or no, and you shouldn’t get mad for someone honestly answering a question even if you don’t like the answer.
- Practice what you’re going to say – There’s no rule that says you can’t practice what you’re going to say when you ask her out. Yes, be careful not to get too robotic with it, but at least practice a few times in the mirror or in the car by yourself. Be prepared for things not to go exactly to your rehearsed plan, but prior planning and practice prevents poor performance (the 6 P’s!)
The Biggest Pro Tip
While everything we just talked about is super important, there’s one pro tip that can really increase your chances of actually getting to go on that first date. Too many people try to run away from the conversation (and the girl) as soon as they ask and get a yes. They make the asking the end of the conversation.
Here’s the pro tip. Stick around chatting for a few minutes after you get your yes. Continue the conversation for at least another minute or two and then close with an “I’ll text you about Friday,” or something like that. Getting asked on a date can feel awkward even if it’s something you want to do. By having a few more minutes of non-awkward conversation after you ask, you can increase your chances of her following through and going on the date!
Written By: Jason Lee
Jason Lee is a data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.
His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.