“How long have you been on this dating site?” – How to Answer

“So, umm, how long have you been on this dating site?” This is a great question we saw posted on an internet forum the other day without a lot of really great answers.

When someone asks you how long you’ve been on a dating site, it can be a tough question to answer when you’ve been on there for a long time. Why? Well, it can make a lot of people feel like there is something wrong with them or that they’re going to be viewed negatively by their potential date.

Today, we’d like to tackle this question from two fronts. One, we want to talk about what it really means when you’ve been on an online dating site for a while and two, we will tell you exactly how to answer this question to alleviate any of your concerns.

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Dating Online for a Long Time is Not Bad

We completely understand why answering the question how long have you been on this dating site can scare a lot of people who have been dating for a while. They start to wonder if they should lie or how on Earth they can answer the question without sounding like a broken sale-rack item that nobody wants to buy. But honestly, this really shouldn’t even be a concern because there is absolutely nothing wrong with being on a dating site for a long time.

What is the right amount of time it takes to find a match online? The answer is that there is no answer. There is no such thing as the right amount of time. Some people are going to find that special someone quickly and some people it’s going to take longer.

We will tell you this. A lot more of the people that find people quicker have problems because a lot of times they don’t know what they want or are willing to settle. People that are on dating apps longer are typically there because they know what they want and they refuse to settle. This is even the case on dating apps made for finding a relationship.

This should be a badge of courage and not a negative. You should be proud of the fact that you’re willing to be patient and wait to find the right person for you. You’re emotionally strong enough to be alone for as long as it takes to find the right person.

What to Say When You’re Asked

Now, we all know that, but sometimes the people we’re talking to online aren’t fully aware of that. Instead of having to jump on our soapbox and explain to them why being on an online dating site for a long time is okay (we might sound defensive), we can answer the question in a way that makes us look good and does not require us to lie which you already know we never advocate doing.

“I’ve been on and off here for the past few months. I know what I’m looking for and I’m okay waiting until I find exactly that.”

“I’ve been on and off here for the past year. I haven’t had as much time to dedicate to this until recently, so I’m getting more active now.”

“I’ve been on and off here for a while now. I’ve gone on a few dates, but no one I found special yet.”

Anyone of these would be awesome or any variation. You’re telling the person the truth about how long you’ve been on the dating site, and then you’re telling them why you haven’t found anyone yet. This should be plenty and shouldn’t make you look like there is something wrong with you (because there isn’t).

Read: Is Honesty the Best Policy With Online Dating?

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Author: Healthy Framework Team

The Healthy Framework team has a combined 50+ years of experience in the online dating industry. Collectively, the team has reviewed over 300 dating apps and is known as one of the leaders in the relationship advice and information space. The team's work has been featured on Zoosk, Tinder, The Economist, People Magazine, Parade, Women's Health, Her Campus, Fox, and more.