Being shy can make life tough especially when it comes to dating. Getting dates looks so easy for everyone else, but you feel like you might be out of luck because of your shyness. Well, we’re here today to tell you that we understand where you’re coming from and that you’re not out of luck! Getting dates when you’re shy might be tougher, but it’s not impossible.
In this guide, we’re going to cover several different tips and tricks that you can do to get dates when you’re shy. Shy people find love all the time, and today we’re going to show you how.
Take Advantage of Online Dating
One of the absolute greatest ways for shy people to get dates is through online dating. Online dating sites allow you to interact with other singles without much risk. It’s a lot easier to send a quick message or email to someone you don’t know in an environment that is set up 100% for finding dates.
You can also take advantage of the “flirt” functions which allow you to gauge interest before you even send a message. These are things like a wink or a poke that only require you to click a button from the safety of your home. If the other person is interested, they can flirt back and then you can confidently send over your first message.
Online dating allows you to take what would be a big risk in person (something impossible for shy people) and do it without any risk to you or your shy side. If you want to get started with online dating, check out our list of the top online dating sites.
Once you pick out a site that’s right for you, all you have to do is create the perfect online dating profile and get ready to send the perfect first message. Don’t worry, those guides we have linked in the last sentence will walk you through exactly what to do so you don’t have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. Online dating is literally designed to help shy people find dates.
Get Involved Without Looking for Dates
Something that happens to people a lot when they are looking to get dates is they get too wrapped up in trying to get dates. Literally, every waking moment of the day they are thinking about ways that they could find someone to go out with. Sound a little familiar? If this is you, it’s okay; you’re in good company.
The best way that you can get dates when you’re shy is to get involved in as many things as possible without the goal of looking for dates. Ever heard the cheesy phrase “put yourself out there?” Well, it’s actually some pretty sound dating advice especially for people who are shy. You have to put yourself out there and allow yourself to meet new people without the pressure of trying to get dates.
Now, you may be wondering how not trying to get dates is actually going to get you dates? Well, things will happen naturally. The more people you meet, the more opportunities that you’re going to have to connect with someone. By not focusing on trying to get dates, you can focus on just enjoying yourself or accomplishing whatever it is that you are doing.
It’s hard to explain exactly how it happens, but everyone that does this starts getting dates. The best places to get out there are volunteer opportunities, adult sports leagues, clubs, and local city events. Basically, stop saying no when people invite you to things. If you don’t ever get invites to things, then start going places even if you have to go alone. Going places alone is a lot less weird and a lot more common than you probably think it is. Not to mention that taking these strides will help you to start overcoming some of that shyness.
Let Your Friends Help Set You Up
Your absolute best wingman when you’re shy (outside of online dating) is your friends. Why? Well, because they know the you that a lot of people don’t get to meet because of your shyness. They know the great things about you that would surely get you a ton of dates with some quality men or women if they knew it. They also know that you’re shy and have been struggling meeting people and getting dates.
So, here’s what you should do. Let your friends know that you’re single and you’re looking to meet some new romantic interests. Also, let them know that you’re shy and could really use a little help in the romance department. By doing this, you let them know that you’re going to need a little more help than just a phone number or a name of someone.
This is something that might not pay off right away as your friends might not know anyone off-hand that is a good fit for you. But, the day will come when they meet someone who would be perfect for you. Because you let them know you were single, they’ll hopefully do their wingman or wing woman duty and set you up.
Make sure you’re not pushy but do clearly let your friends know you’re looking. And, when they try and set you up with someone, let it happen. If you turn down or ignore someone that they go out of their way to set you up with, they will probably never set you up again. Getting dates when you’re shy can be as easy as letting the people who know you best set you up.
Start Talking to Random Strangers (of Both Sexes)
Almost every other article, blog, or guide out there on getting dates when you’re shy focuses on trying to make you not be shy. That’s one of the main reasons that we wrote this guide. You see, there really isn’t anything wrong with being shy. It’s your personality and makes you who you are. Yes, it can make things tougher like dating and getting dates, but it doesn’t make you any less entitled to finding love. So, we wanted to give you some ways to get dates without having to change who you are.
That being said, there is something to be said about trying to curtail at least a little bit of your shyness. One of the simplest and best ways to do this is to start talking to anyone and everyone that you can.
We’re not just talking about people that you’re attracted to. Talk to everyone. Talk to the cashier at the grocery store. Talk to the random old lady on the bus. Talk to the person in the elevator with you. Just talk to everyone you can.
What this is going to do is start making you much more comfortable talking to strangers and people in general. What happens when you finally run into someone that you’re attracted to? Well, you’ve been talking to strangers all day already so you’re primed and ready to chat with them. If you haven’t talked to anyone else all day, though, your shyness is going to be able to win out, and you’ll miss the opportunity to get a date.
What do you say to them? Small talk is just fine. Talk about random things like the weather or just say hi and ask how their day is going. You will be shocked at how much of an impact this will have on your life and your ability to talk to other people. You don’t have to change who you are, but you can become a lot more comfortable talking to people in situations that would normally make you shy. This will translate into more dates, more friends, and n overall higher quality of life.
What You Can Do Right Now
We’ve given you a lot of awesome steps that you can take to start getting dates when you’re shy. Here’s a quick recap of what you can do right now to get things rolling. First, join an online dating site. We linked to some amazing options at the top of the page. You can be talking to new people in a low-risk environment built for shy people in no time.
Second, text some friends and let them know you’re looking to meet someone and are struggling to get dates because of you’re shyness. Ask them if they know anyone that might be a good fit they can set you up with.
Lastly, start talking to random people. The next time you walk out of your house or apartment, talk to the first person that you see. If you have to start with hired help (people who have to talk to you like workers at stores), then that’s okay! Just start somewhere. Set a goal to talk to 3 people a day…then make the goal 5…then 10. Before you know it, you’re going to have no fear talking to anyone and everyone, and you might just lose that shyness and start getting more dates. We believe in you!
Written By: Jason Lee
Jason Lee is a journalist and data analyst with a passion for studying online dating, relationships, personal growth, healthcare, and finance. In 2008, Jason earned a Bachelors of Science from the University of Florida, where he studied business and finance and taught interpersonal communication.
His work has been featured in the likes of The USA Today, MSN, The Motley Fool, Net Health, and The Simple Dollar. As a business owner, relationship strategist, dating coach, and officer in the U.S. military, Jason enjoys sharing his unique knowledge base with the rest of the world.