Social media can be exhausting. The combination of learning more than you ever wanted to know about coworkers and relatives and the expectation that you respond to any message immediately are just too much at the end of a long day—or, realistically, all day long. It can be tempting to opt out completely: do you really need social media?
But what if you’re single and want to start dating again? With social media seeping into so many aspects of our everyday lives, online dating is not immune to the impulse to overshare. What can you expect without social media? Do meet-cutes even happen in the internet age? Are apps and online dating sites even an option?
The answer, of course, is “yes and no.” While there are plenty of sites and apps with social media components, there are just as many that let you log in and create your own profile without incorporating social media at all. Let’s break down the pros and cons of dating without social media, whether you don’t have a social media footprint at all, or just want to keep your private life private.
Dating And The “Social” Part of Social Media
Incorporating social media into your online dating experience is ubiquitous these days. Whether a site wants to make it “easier” for you to log in, or recommends linking your social media accounts to your profile to give a clearer picture of who you are, there’s heavy pressure to have a robust online presence when dating.
Plenty of people don’t mind. With phone in hand, the impulse to respond to every notification and weigh in on every cute animal video is so strong that incorporating social media into their dating experience is a no-brainer. It’s so common that you may assume you have to show your social media side to successfully date online.
The good news is that you don’t have to, and dating without incorporating social media profiles is easier than you think. Not every dating site requires you hand over your social media credentials to access single people in your area. Don’t worry, we’ll get there, but here are some of the reasons it might be worthwhile to have at least a bare-minimum social media presence.
The Case For Social Media
You have an online footprint, whether you like it or not—and if you date online, someone will eventually look you up. It’s probably not how you want people to get to know you, but plenty of people do a pre-date online search for safety’s sake or to try to make sure they’re not being catfished. Most people online are honest and sincere, but not everyone.
No matter how uncomfortable it makes you to acknowledge that someone doesn’t immediately trust you, you have to respect someone who’s looking out for themselves and fact-checking their potential partners.
There’s another reason to consider some sort of social media presence. Even if you’re not online, your friends are. And as well-meaning as they are, many of your friends won’t think twice about why you might not want a shout-out online. Once your friends have put your name and photo on blast, it’s unlikely you can totally scrub any pictures of you at that one silly high school party from the web.
A good strategy is to create your own narrative. Having your own social media presence can counter your friends’ indiscreet social media posts with a more authentic version of yourself. No matter how much you hate social media, it might be worth it to have online profiles so you can have better control over your own narrative.
You can still dip a toe into social media without having to get sucked into all of the online drama. Having a simple profile with a name, picture, and a decent-sized friends list is a good way to assuage any concerns or curiosity. That last part—having plenty of friends and acquaintances—is important. Add real friends and acquaintances. Again, it’s more of an online life than you probably want, but a profile with a single-digit friends list is even more suspect than no profile at all.
You Don’t Have To Play The Game
As much pressure as you’ll get to associate a social media account to a dating profile, you can date online without a social media profile. There are plenty of sites that don’t require social media to sign up or to function fully. One of the fringe benefits of those sites is that you have a better chance of meeting someone who’s just as uninterested in social media as you are.
It’s also just as likely that you or your potential date has social media, but both of you see the value in tried and true methods of getting to know one another. There are plenty of people who like to get to know people little by little and not with a fire-hose blast of someone’s entire online persona all at once.
Whatever the scenario, it doesn’t mean that online dating is out of the question for those who want to keep their social media life out of their real life. Finding the right dating site or app isn’t as hard as you think. In fact, building a dating profile isn’t so far off from building a social media profile—and doing so without likes and comments from your mother or your old college roommate piping up.
Leaving social media out of the equation lets you present yourself as you’d like to be seen, and not through the lens of your middle school best friends.
Do It Your Way
While the list of overt and implied pressures to incorporate social media into your dating life is long, there’s no reason you have to give in to the noise. Whether you choose to be fully online or pretend social media doesn’t exist or somewhere in the middle, you have options. Find the dating site or app that’s right for you, and build a profile to find a relationship that’s build on genuine connection.
Written By: Matthew J. Seymour, MSF
Matthew J. Seymour is a dating industry expert with over a decade of experience coaching singles, reviewing dating apps, and analyzing trends within the industry. Matt is a published author with his most recent work “Get More Dates: How to Master Online Dating Apps” that hit shelves in 2023. With a Masters of Science in Finance (MSF) degree from the University of Florida and extensive knowledge of the innerworkings of the online dating industry, Matt frequently serves in an advisory role to some of the largest dating apps on the market. In Matt’s current role with Healthy Framework, he leads the interview team that regularly interviews key dating industry leaders, and leverages his financial knowledge and dating app experience to review and share what singles need to know to get the most out of dating online.
John Baxter Stringfellow is one of the most acclaimed cybersecurity experts in the world. As Healthy Framework’s Chief Cybersecurity expert, John helps the team assess which dating apps are safe to use, which may have vulnerabilities, and how users can keep themselves safe when dating online. John’s impressive array of independent credentials as well as Microsoft credentials include CEH(Master), CISSM, SSCP, CECI, CCIP, among many more. With 20+ years of expertise in securing digital landscapes, John’s expertise helps Healthy Framework readers better understand the safety side of online dating.